


Unsinkable

by sweetly_disposed



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: 1910 era, Adding more as we go - Freeform, Arranged Marriage, Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Heavy Angst, Historical, Jack is not a nice man, M/M, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Smut, Titanic AU, Violence, first class!Robert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-07 18:57:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11065104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetly_disposed/pseuds/sweetly_disposed
Summary: Aaron Dingle is all alone in the world. With all his possessions strapped to his back and no family, money, or job prospects to speak of, he is lost, searching for something new, somewhere to call his own.Robert Sugden has it all: the money, the job, the fiancée, the bright future set out ahead of him, and yet he is stuck, confined to his class with his father breathing down his neck.Fate steers them together, entwining their paths en route to a brand new world.The year is 1912, and the unsinkable Titanic is their meeting place.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my very first foray into Robron fic- I've been hovering in the fandom ever since the very first kiss back in 2014 and for some reason I've decided that now is a good time to write something, and launching in with a long fic was the best way to go, apparently. I hope you enjoy this, comments are always welcome :)

The bar was packed.

Everywhere Aaron looked there were hoards of people, jostling each other left and right, fighting their way through the crowds with all their worldly possessions crammed into a few small bags. At the bar, men called for more beer, dropping coins onto the counter and clinking glasses, toasting their futures. There were a few women and children at the back, some children crying against the din of the people, their mothers hushing them and rocking them gently on their knees. The children couldn't feel the buzz in the air, the thick layer of anticipation hanging over them, but Aaron could. It thrummed in his veins, in his fingers tapping a staccato rhythm on the bar top, in his left knee bouncing up and down impatiently. For the fourth time in the last ten minutes he check the clock on the wall.

Fifteen minutes to go.

Aaron dragged his bag closer with his foot, glaring over his shoulder at the men staggering into each other behind him, already a little worse for wear. The air was stifling. Whenever Aaron breathed in he just sucked thick, grey clouds of cigarette smoke into his lungs. It made him want to light up himself, but he didn't want to waste any more tobacco, not this close to boarding. The beer glass in front of him was mostly empty, a small puddle of condensation pooling around the base. The yellow sunlight beaming its way in through the cloudy windows made the beer look even paler, even less appetising.

Aaron turned away from it, shuffling around on the bar stool and pulling his bag closer still. He reached into the inside pocket of his overcoat, fingers grazing over the thick paper there, and he released a slow breath, patting it again to be sure.

"Pint please, Rosie," a voice said next to him, and Aaron glanced to his left, recognising the familiar lilt of a northern accent.

A man about his age was leaning on the bar, grinning at the barmaid. He had a scruff of a beard around his jawline, and his tanned skin spoke of hours spent working outside. Aaron stole a look at his forearms, the toned muscle there confirming his suspicions. Even though Aaron was sat down he could tell this man was tall, broad too, though most of it was hidden under a bulky overcoat. His hands looked strong, large as well where they curled into loose fists on the bar top, calluses that spoke of manual labour on his thumbs, matching the ones on Aaron's.

The barmaid thunked a full glass down and Aaron snapped his eyes away, looking around the room quickly to make sure no one had seen him looking. He didn't need any trouble, today of all days. He shifted a little again, clearing his throat.

"All right, mate?" Aaron started, looking back to see the stranger smiling at him. "Sorry, didn't meant to make you jump. Adam." He held out his right hand.

Aaron swallowed, and then reached out to give the man- Adam's- hand a shake. "Aaron."

"Good to meet you. You boarding today as well?"

"Looks like it," Aaron said bluntly, and then offered Adam a brief, apologetic smile, hoping it came across as friendly.

Adam grinned back. "Me too. Can't wait, man, been looking forward to it for months! You return or one way?"

Aaron patted his jacket pocket again, reminding himself to breathe. "One way."

"Same," Adam nodded. "New York here I come! I'm not planning on coming back to this hell hole any time soon."

"Oi, you watch your mouth, Barton!" the barmaid from before piped up from a few feet away. "Them Americans don't do beer like we do, you'll be back in this bar before you know it!"

Adam guffawed, then grabbed for his pint, draining half in one go. "I'll miss you too, Rosie," he called back with a wink. The barmaids' cheeks flushed red and she ducked her head, fringe falling in a curtain over her eyes.

"Always had a thing for me, that one," Adam told Aaron confidently, tipping more of his beer down his throat. Aaron watched him look at the clock on the wall and then set his glass down. "Right I'm gonna go get in line before all this lot, wanna get first dibs on the cabins." He hefted his battered brown bag onto his shoulder. "You coming, Aaron?"

Aaron took a breath and then nodded, standing and lifting his own bag into his arms. "Lead the way."

 

**********

 

"For God's sake, man, will you mind what you're doing with that?!" Jack’s voice bellowed out across the quayside. "Do you have any idea how much that's worth? If any damage comes to it I will be holding you personally responsible, do you understand? Good, now get on with it!"

Robert ignored his father's ire, eyes fixed on the huge ship in front of him. All the drawings and newspapers he had read over the past few months had not done the _Titanic_  justice; she was bigger than they'd said, more luxurious than they'd promised, and more exquisitely crafted than Robert had ever imagined she'd be. She towered over the people below her, regal and beautiful, making them all look like ants scurrying around an anthill.

As soon as he'd been informed by his father that they'd been invited to travel to America on her maiden voyage, Robert had followed her progress in the papers. It was only when they'd announced that she'd finally docked in Southampton that it had all felt scarily real. America. New York, specifically. He knew little about it, only that it was a hub of developing businesses and major contacts ready to forge deals with. Whilst Jack was virtually rubbing his hands together at the prospect of more money, Robert just wanted to see the place. The people, the city lights, the awe-inspiring Statue of Liberty. The statue had been standing for almost thirty years already, and Robert had yet to see her. He just wanted to be a tourist, forget about fancy dinners where he had to stuff himself into a tux and go and talk business with the men and flirt with the ladies. Well, he wouldn't be doing much flirting, not anymore.

"Oh, Robert, darling, would you hold this for me please?"

Robert turned, meeting Chrissie's eyes and offering a brief smile before reaching out and taking the large hexagonal hat box from her. "Of course."

She was dressed immaculately, though she must have been warm under the April sunshine in so many layers of fine fabric. Her rose pink floor length dress just grazed the top of her black heeled leather boots, paired with a matching silk shawl. The hat perched on her immaculately curled hair was so wide brimmed Robert didn't want to get too close in case he was jabbed in the eye by a wayward feather. There were three more hat boxes along with the one he was holding, all being carried past by a line of stewards, carrying them on board to their staterooms.

More and more of Chrissie's luggage appeared from behind the motorcar she'd arrived in, and Robert wondered to himself how much luggage one needed for a trip such as this. They weren't even planning on being in New York for too long, anyway. After a year of officially courting, though, Robert supposed he ought to know Chrissie well enough to expect this sort of thing.

He turned to look behind him, watching a number of families all gathered together, saying goodbye to each other. They were all behind a rope barrier, preventing them from getting too close to the ship- third-class, then, Robert thought. Mothers pressed kisses to their son’s cheeks, straightened the collars of their shirts and patted their shoulders in farewell. Little children clung to the legs of their brothers and sisters, confused by what was going on but old enough to understand that they were leaving. Perhaps some of them weren't coming back, it occurred to Robert; maybe they were going to New York to build new, permanent lives for themselves, with no intention of looking back at their old lives here. Robert shook his head to himself. As much as he wanted to see the world, London would always be his home.

"Ah, there you are, son." Robert turned to his left to see his father approaching him, clapping a heavy hand down onto his shoulder. "They're nearly ready for us. Ah," he sighed, looking up at the ship. "Isn't she a beauty? They've done well with her, I'll give them that. Once we've settled in Mr Andrews is going to give us a tour of her."

"I see," Robert replied non-committally. He'd read so much about the designer of the ship that he felt like he'd met him already. "I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit tired from the journey, I might just keep to my cabin for a few hours."

"Come, now, Robert," Jack said, an edge of steel to his voice. "Show a bit of willing. You're not the only one who's had a long journey today. Besides," he lowered his voice. "Chrissie is our guest, and we need to be the best hosts we can be. Her family will prove invaluable to our business, you know that. Plus, once the engagement is underway-"

"Father," Robert said, his chest constricting painfully. "There will be no engagement just yet."

"Robert," Jack's voice turned hard. "I invite you to remind yourself of your place in this business, in this family. It will be yours one day, so if were you I would think long and hard about the...commitments you make. It would be foolish to let a girl like Chrissie go, especially with her wealth-"

"Please," Robert grimaced. "Can we discuss this later?"

Jack opened his mouth to argue, but then a figure appeared at his side.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Chrissie smiled sweetly. "But they're going to take us aboard in a moment."

"Thank you, my dear," Jack turned to Robert. "Are you ready, son?" Robert didn't miss the emphasis on his words.

He stole one last look at the dock behind him, at the people all waiting to wave their loved ones off, white handkerchiefs ready. He took a deep breath, and then turned back to look up at the great hull of the ship.

"I'm ready."

 

 

**********

 

 

"Come on!" Aaron strode on ahead of Adam. "I call the top bunk!"

Adam laughed loudly, shifting his bag higher in his arms and following on Aaron's heels. "You'll have to fight me for it, mate!"

Aaron grinned, peering down the long corridor and dodging past two women coming in the opposite direction. He hadn't minded the prodding and poking he'd had to endure in his health checks, answering no to all the questions about diseases and letting them look through his hair for lice. He'd only been nervous about the ticket inspection. Once they'd got past the inspector, it was like a weight had lifted from Aaron's shoulders. He'd felt like he could breathe again. He'd done it, he was aboard. A whole new life was ahead of him, a brand new world he could find a little corner of and call his own. All the work had been so worth it; he was _free_.

By unspoken agreement he and Adam had stuck together, both figuring it was worth sharing with someone they already (kind of) knew than being stuck with more strangers. They were two of the first few on board in third-class, hurrying along to get the best cabin they could. The ship was like a rabbit warren, corridors everywhere all lined with identical white doors. It was luxurious to Aaron, who was used to the hay bales and rickety floorboards of the farm, but he was willing to bet this was nothing compared to first-class. Not that he'd ever get to see it, of course.

They opted to go in the opposite directions to the engines and boilers, Adam already complaining a little about the heat, and they found themselves in a little corridor off the main hallway.

"Oi, here looks good," Adam said, poking his head through a doorway.

"Suits me," Aaron said, bundling past him and chucking his bag on the top bunk. There were three double-bedded bunks crammed into the tiny room, all set out with matching bed clothes, one little white sink in the corner and a single narrow wardrobe beside it. Aaron hefted himself up into his bunk, shrugging out of his jacket and crossing his legs under himself, watching Adam putter around, opening and closing the wardrobe door and turning the little silver tap on and off.

"Wanna go explore, then?" he asked when Adam had sat heavily down in the bed underneath him.

"Reckon we ought to wait a bit, yeah? Don't want people turfing our stuff out when we're not here."

"Good point." Aaron exhaled, stretching out and laying down, folding his arms behind his head. He shifted, wincing a little at the lump in the mattress under his back. The stress of the morning was beginning to catch up on him, a weary ache beginning to settle into his bones. He let his eyes slip closed, but he knew sleep wouldn't come to him now, not when there was so much exploring to do.

"So," Adam said conversationally from underneath him. "What's your story?"

"Huh?" Aaron opened one eye.

"What are you doing going all the way to America?"

"Oh," Aaron opened his other eye. "I guess I just want a change of scene."

"You can get a change of scene by going to the seaside, mate, not America. Come on, tell me."

Aaron shrugged, though Adam couldn't see him. "I dunno, I just don't have anything keeping me here anymore. I lost my mum a few months back, my little sister got married and moved away. Don't have a dad. Saw an advert for this when it was being built, and just decided when it sailed I'd be on it. I worked for months, for days at a time sometimes, trying to get the money together. And even then I barely managed to get the whole thirty five pounds to scrape a ticket." He sighed. "I just want something new, you know?"

"Must have been tough," Adam's voice came a few moments later. "Sorry about your mum."

"It's ok."

"I know your accent though, don't I? Yorkshire lad."

Aaron smiled. "Yeah. Emmerdale farm, do you know it?"

"Sorry, mate."

"S’all right. You're from that way too though, aren't you?"

"Yeah, lived there most of my life. Took over my dad's business when he died, helping my mum, you know. Moved down here about a year ago to try and expand things, bring in more money."

Aaron rolled back over onto his side. "So why America, if you've got a business here?"

"Ah," Aaron heard the smile in Adam's voice. "My girl is out there with her family, I'm going to join them. Here, do you wanna see a photo?"

"Yeah," Aaron leaned over, reaching for the photo Adam handed up.

It was a little blurry, but Aaron could just make out a girl their age sitting on a chair, dark hair piled on top of her head and wide, dark eyes smiling out at the camera. She wore a plain, long white dress, hands folded carefully in her lap.

"She's pretty," Aaron said, handing the photo back down.

"She is," Adam agreed. "Her name’s Victoria. Gotta go out and join her now, get settled before the little one comes."

"She's pregnant?"

"Six months along now. Her parents have got a little bit of money, they're gonna give us a loan while I find work, you know. God, I miss her. Never thought I'd find someone like her, but I have. What about you, then? You got a girl?"

Aaron frowned. "Nah, not found one yet."

"You're joking mate! Good looking boy like you must have girls following him everywhere!"

Aaron grimaced, and was glad Adam couldn't see his face, "Nah, not really."

Thankfully, before Adam could press him anymore on that subject, a man knocked on the open door and took one step in.

"These beds free, lads?" he said in a thick Irish accent.

"Yeah, sure. Come on in."

Aaron propped himself up on an elbow and heard Adam sit up too. Four men dragged their luggage through the door, chattering noisily. Aaron swung his legs over the edge of his bed, dropping down and shaking hands with their new roommates. Just as they had finished storing bags away and Adam had produced a pack of cards, there's was a deep groaning sound from a way away, coming from under their feet.

"That's the engines!" One of the Irish men cheered. "It's noon!"

A minute later there was the deafening blare of the ship's horn, and then, under their feet, the floor began to move. Unfamiliar with the feeling of being on water, Aaron reached out and steadied himself on the his bed frame. He grinned, blood rushing in his veins, something joyful building in his chest. He could almost taste it. Freedom.

"Right," he announced, clapping Adam on the shoulder. "I'm going to look around now, you coming?"

"Maybe in a bit, yeah?" Adam waved the pack of cards at Aaron. "Gonna have a game with these guys first. Might see you at dinner?"

"Yeah, will do."

Aaron shut the door behind him, glancing up at the number and committing it to memory, before setting off down the corridor and towards the nearest flight of stairs, heading up towards the open air.

 

 

**********

 

Robert stood on their own private promenade, looking back at the dock as it got smaller and smaller in the distance. He had managed to escape the clutches of both Chrissie and his father for the time being while they unpacked in their own rooms. Robert hadn't bothered with his own unpacking; there would a steward along to help him with it imminently.

His cabins were very well furnished, he had to admit that. He had been promised luxury, and it had been delivered tenfold. He had a gloriously big bed, with brand new crisp white sheets and a dark oak headboard, and a chaise opposite the bed in a rich, deep red colour. The walls were painted white, with large panels of intricate wallpaper the same colour as the chaise, and the ceiling was painstakingly done, gilded with gold paint. Just off the room was an adjoining private washroom, with a magnificent porcelain sink and gleaming silver taps. Through another door there was a lounge area, with a deep lush green velvet settee and small oak table and chairs set out in front of the fireplace. At least he would be comfortable there for the duration of the trip, and he would have some privacy from his father and Chrissie.

There would be plenty of places for him to go, as well; with a gymnasium, baths, and a swimming pool, there was no shortage of hiding places for him if he needed them. If he wished, it might be possible to avoid all other people entirely by just being on the opposite end of the ship. It was ironic though, he thought, that on a ship this big, he had never felt more enclosed. Here, he was more trapped than ever.

While he waited for a steward to bring him tea, he walked the short way back to his room to his luggage, locating that evening's dinner suit and hanging it up in preparation so it wouldn't crease. He steadfastly ignored the inside pocket, pretending that the small square velvet box inside simply wasn't there, and turned away

After a few minutes more, there was a soft knock at the door. Robert moved back through the suite, opening the door to find a young steward stood there, a silver tea tray in his arms.

"Tea for you, sir," he announced, and Robert moved back to let him through. He set the tea down on the small round table with a clink and then stood straight again, hands clasped smartly behind his back. "If you'd allow me to unpack for you, sir?" he asked.

Robert waved a hand wearily. "Thank you. If my family knock for me would you tell them I've gone for a lie down? I'll be up in time for dinner, of course."

"Very good, sir."

Robert shut the door to his bedroom behind him, and then sat heavily on his bed. The mattress felt comfortable, covered with soft, cool sheets, and Robert couldn't resist toeing off his shoes and undoing his tie. He lay down and closed his eyes, intending just to listen to the waves outside for a few moments.

He must have drifted off, for what felt like mere minutes later, there was a knock at the door. Robert stood, making his way over, pausing to stifle a yawn before pulling the door open. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you, sir, only, I didn't want you to be late for dinner," the steward from before said. "Your father has been by to enquire after you."

"What time is it?"

"A little after six, sir. Dinner will be served in the dining room at seven o'clock sharp."

Robert's eyebrows shot up. "A little after six? My God."

"I am truly sorry to disturb you, sir," the steward looked a little nervous now.

"No, no, thank you for thinking to check on me. What is your name?"

"James, sir."

"Thank you, James. I'll make sure your superior hears about this." Robert dug into his pockets, pulling out a crisp note. "Here."

James' eyes bugged. "Thank you, sir." He tucked the note into his pocket and gave a low bow, and then he let himself out, the door clicking softly behind him.

Robert stripped to the waist, crossing to the bathroom to splash some water on his face to freshen up after his spontaneous five hour nap. He combed his hair down, patting his cheeks to bring some colour back into them, and cleaned his teeth, before moving to his where his suit was hanging up.

As the sun had faded so had the temperature, and Robert made sure to put an undershirt on just in case they decided to venture onto the upper promenade, and then buttoned up the thick material of his white shirt, fixing the white bow tie into place. With a quick look at himself in the mirror above his fireplace, he was ready. He paused a moment, trying to school his expression into something neutral. It didn't work. However he tried, the green of his eyes remained cold and empty. Eventually he gave up, checking his sleeves one final time before leaving his rooms.

Chrissie opened the door to her suite, holding her arm out with a flourish. "Well," she smiled. "Will I do?"

Robert looked over her black floor length gown, hugging every curve, completed with sheer capped sleeves. He eyed the large jewelled necklace sitting delicately on her collarbones, with matching stones pinned into her elaborately twirled up hair. She had white, elbow length gloves on, and a fur stole in one hand. He had to admit, she looked beautiful.

Robert leaned forward, taking her left hand and pressing his lips to her knuckles. "Stunning."

Chrissie blushed prettily, stepping out of the door and taking Robert's arm. "Come," she said. "We mustn't be late!"

Robert inhaled deeply, steeling himself, and allowed Chrissie to lead him along.

The dining saloon was enormous, all white walls with pillars every few meters supporting the gilded ceiling. Large round tables were decked out with white tablecloths, adorned with bright white china and sparkling crystal goblets. He and Chrissie were two of the last to arrive, winding their way through the tables to where Jack already sat, surrounded by his business associates. Jack waved them over to the table, and no sooner had they sat, a waiter dressed in white with a black bow tie was at Robert's shoulder, pouring him a drink. Robert reached for it, the champagne fizzing up his nose as he took a sip.

There were six other people at the table, three couples dressed in all their finery. The jewels around the throats of the women sparkled under the lights of the chandeliers, their laughs tinkling and airy. The men were middle aged, a couple of them quite portly, with thick moustaches and ruddy cheeks. Robert already knew he would be expected to accompany them to the smoking room when dinner was finished, so they could talk people and politics and money until late in the evening.

"And you all know my son, Robert, of course," Jack was saying, gesturing over to him as he spoke. "Embarking on a new business venture with me in the States. I dare say he’ll make a fine businessman, especially if he follows in his father's footsteps!" There was a polite smattering of laughter around the table. "And of course, his companion, the lovely Christine. She's broadening her horizons with us, and I dare say I'll officially be calling her my future daughter-in-law before this trip is out!"

Robert’s heart dropped like a stone into his stomach. He plastered a grin on his face, hoping it wasn't terrifying. His mind immediately flicked to the little velvet box in his luggage. A small part of him prayed to whoever was listening that James had managed to lose it in his unpacking.

Much cooing and fawning later, with Chrissie still clinging to his bicep and smiling coyly, the first course was served. Robert chose oysters, and then immediately wished he hadn't. He choked them down, slimy and bitter in his mouth, and washed them down with more champagne. His left knee bounced up and down under the table, and when Chrissie touched his elbow he jumped, startled.

Chrissie frowned. "Are you feeling ok, Robert?" She asked. "You look a little jittery."

"Fine, thank you," he smiled, stretching his mouth into the lopsided grin he knew she loved. "Just hungry, and tired after today, I think." Chrissie smiled back, patting his arm and then reaching for her champagne goblet.

Five courses later, after the lamb, Roberts head was beginning to pound. Jack was insistent on talking about his future business ventures, and every other word was ‘Robert’.

"Of course, once Robert and Chrissie are settled",  he said, and then swiftly followed that with, "very special event", and then "proper partnership". All three phrases made Robert squirm in his seat. And it was hot in the dining room, far too hot. He couldn't take his jacket off for fear of being impolite, but he was certainly regretting the undershirt he'd put on earlier. It was only a few minutes later, when Jack said the words "patter of tiny feet" that Robert cracked.

He bolted to his feet. "Excuse me," he gasped. "I need some air."

"I'll come with you, darling," Chrissie said, moving to stand as well, but Robert held a hand up.

"No, I'd rather be alone, thank you."

Without waiting to listen to any more protests he was moving away from the table, trying his hardest to keep his feet from breaking out into a run. He swept past the tables all full of chatter and laughter, and yanked the door of the dining room open without waiting for a steward to open it for him.

He bolted for the grand staircase, pushing rudely past a few people making their way down. He kept climbing up until he could go no further, and even then he didn't stop, letting his feet take him forward, the heel of his shoes hitting the wooden deck of the first-class promenade with a sharp click at every step. He kept going, stumbling down through the well deck and then up again, finally reaching the railings at the stern of the ship. Then he finally stopped, curling his hands around the white painted railings and letting the sea air rush over him.

The metal of the railing was cold under his hands, and he brought one hand up to the side of his neck, hoping to transfer some of the chill into his skin. It only served to make the rest of him hotter. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, the rush of his blood from his exertion drowning out the sound of the waves. The pressed white starch of his shirt felt like it was getting tighter with every breath, and he moved his hand to his sternum, fingers crushing the fabric and attempting to pull it away from his skin. Short, rasping breaths left his lips, becoming sharper when he realised that his attempts at removing his shirt were futile.

He shook his shoulders, yanking at his dinner jacket until it fell from his arms and dropped to the deck. He leaned forward, bracing himself on the railings, fighting against the growing tightness in his chest. The railings blurred in front of him, and he staggered forward, feeling the metal dig into his stomach as he hung over the railings.

"Woah, there. Steady," a voice came from his right side. Mercifully cool hands put themselves on his chest and back, pulling him backwards from the railings and steadying his weight. "Are you ok?"

Robert opened his mouth, but no words would come. "I-" he tried. "I-"

"It's ok," the voice soothed. "Just breathe. Can you hear me? Breathe steadily, in and out."

The voice was decidedly male, low and gruff, with a hint of an accent at the corners. His hands were still on Robert, and the one on his chest moved, fiddling with the top buttons of Roberts shirt until they popped open. He could have cried with relief as he sucked huge lungfuls of freezing air in, his chest loosening immediately.

"In...and out," the stranger was murmuring to him. "Slowly."

Robert obeyed, and with every inhale and exhale he could feel his heart rate slowing, his mind clearing. He was glad of the hands still on him; his legs didn't feel like they could support his weight again yet. His breaths came easier, still leaving his lips in shaky exhales, but steadier all the same.

"Thought you were gonna go overboard then," the stranger said after a moment of quiet. "Was worried I'd have to jump in after you."

Robert scoffed. "You...you wouldn't have done anyone a favour by jumping in after me," he huffed bitterly, and then stopped himself, remembering his manners. He straightened, slowly getting his balance back, and the man’s hands fell away. "I'm sorry," he faced the stranger. "Thank you for your...assistance. I'm not sure what came over me."

The man just shrugged, looking out over the sea. "You looked like you were in trouble."

Had Robert been with his family, they would have recoiled at the man’s obviously lower social standing. The shoes he wore were battered, the sole peeling away, and his dirt-brown trousers were patched up on the left knee. They were held up with a pair of braces that could have been white at some point, and his tan coloured shirt was unlaced at the neck. All this, matched with a tattered flat cap, screamed ‘third-class’ to Robert.

But he did his best to push aside his prejudices, all too aware that this man had offered his assistance when he had no obligation to, especially when it was to someone dressed as Robert was. And in the deepest, darkest recesses of Roberts' mind, he was also aware that this man was not bad to look at. He had a little scruff around his mouth and along his jawline, a straight nose, and when Robert met his eyes he found they were a piercing blue. The man held his eye, and then glanced down to the open collar of his shirt and then let his eyes drop to the deck below them.

"Well, thank you," Robert said into the night air, only a little awkwardly. "I appreciate the help….?"

"Aaron. Dingle."

"Aaron," Robert tasted the word on his tongue. "Robert Sugden," he offered his hand.

Aaron eyed it for a moment before he grasped it and they shook. "Nice to meet you," he said politely.

Robert nodded. The sweat on his back and at his temples was beginning to cool, sending a shiver up his spine. He'd already been away from the table for too long, someone was bound to coming looking for him soon. The trembling in his hands hadn't subsided, and he knew he ought to get himself somewhere warm quickly. Instead of of leaving this scruffy stranger behind, though, he found himself opening his mouth again.

"So...how did you manage to find your way up here?"

"Why?" Aaron shot back, and Robert cursed himself for his tactlessness. "I'm allowed to be in this section, aren't I? You gonna call a guard and get them to send me back downstairs?"

Robert held his hands up, shaking his head a little. "Not at all. I'm just curious."

He watched some of the fire leave Aaron's eyes, saw his hackles go down again. He took a breath, let it out slowly. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Robert dismissed. "I think you should be able to go anywhere you like. What's the point of having a ship this big if you're only allowed to go to certain places on it?"

When he looked at Aaron next, he was met with an expression of confusion mixed with something close to surprise.

"I…I don't like not being able to see the sky," Aaron said eventually, turning to look out over the water and steadfastly not looking at Robert. "My cabin downstairs doesn't have a window, so I came up here. Wasn't planning on staying long."

Robert stared at the side of Aaron's head, wondering with barely contained fascination what it was like in third-class. "Well," he cleared his throat. "I feel, as a thank you for helping me, I should offer you a drink or something."

"I don't want any thanks," Aaron told him, without any heat in his voice. "Just...maybe don't tell anyone you were talking to someone from steerage, yeah?"

"Tell anyone that I was talking to who?" Robert joked, and found himself oddly pleased with the smile that spread across Aaron's face. It made him look younger, transformed his serious expression into something boyish and carefree.

"Robert? Darling?"

Robert snapped his head around in the direction of Chrissie’s voice. He could hear the hollow tap of her heels getting closer.

"I should go," Aaron was already backing away.

Robert was torn, looking between Aaron and the ship behind him. "I...yes, I suppose," he sighed. "Thank you, again."

"You're welcome. Bye, Robert."

Robert watched him hurry away, disappearing into the shadows just as Chrissie rounded the corner and saw Robert standing there alone.

"Darling, what are you doing out in the cold? Oh, put your jacket back on!" She reached for the discarded dinner jacket, shaking it out and draping it over his shoulders. "Goodness, you're all flushed, are you feeling unwell?" She pressed the back of one hand gently to his forehead. "You're burning up! Come, let's get you inside."

"I'm fine, Chrissie," Robert pulled his head back from her hand. "I just needed some air. I feel much better now."

"Nonsense, you must be running a fever! I'll send for some tea, come now, come on."

He let her take his arm and guide him back to their cabins, glancing back over his shoulder at the empty deck as they went.

 

**********

 

Aaron had had a very strange evening. After exploring the lower decks in the afternoon and then eating a dinner of bread and cheese with Adam, he’d gone to investigate the top deck. He had only meant to get some air and to look at the stars, and instead he’d managed to virtually save a man's life and have an actual conversation with a member of first-class.

It had been a fair night; cold from the lack of cloud cover, but Aaron didn't mind- lack of clouds meant clearer stars. And they were clear, so bright and shining, just as clear as they were back home when he was a kid, when he'd lie underneath them and try and count them all. He'd always fall asleep before he could, though, and his mum would come and wake him in the early hours and herd him into his own bed. Somehow, on the sea it seemed like he was closer to them than he had been on the farm.

He'd just been minding his own business, lying on his back on the decking, jacket pillowed under his head, when he'd heard the rapid steps of someone approaching. He'd sat up, sure he was hidden in the shadows, and watched a man hurrying towards the end of the ship. He was tall, with sandy blond hair, dressed in a black dinner suit that screamed of wealth and class. He'd watched, curiosity shifting into alarm when the man clutched the railings and began panting, breath swirling in the cold air, fingers scrabbling at his shirt. Aaron was no doctor, but he knew when something was wrong, and when the man had staggered and pitched forwards, threatening to tip over the railings, Aaron had been on his feet, running over to him before he could think twice.

The man's heart had been frantic under Aaron's hand, beating against his palm as he took most of the man's weight and steadied him as best he could. He'd not even worried about getting the pristine white of his collar dirty when he'd undone the buttons so the man could breathe, fingers unfamiliar on the expensive material.

Aaron rolled over onto his side in bed, shoving his tingling fingers into his armpits when he thought of touching the skin on the man's neck. Robert, his name was. Robert, who'd looked the part but when he'd opened his mouth said things Aaron hadn't expected him to say. He'd invited Aaron for a drink of all things. He could only imagine the uproar if people saw Robert in the company of someone like Aaron.

Aaron shoved his face into his pillow, attempting to block out the sound of Adam’s snores below him. He couldn't dwell on what had happened; it only served to stir things up in him he didn't want to think about.

He lay awake until late, the repetitive groaning of the engines finally lulling him to sleep in the early hours of the morning.


	2. Chapter Two

The next morning found them coasting along steadily. They'd stopped in Ireland briefly the night before, and now they were fully on their way out into the wide expanse of the Atlantic. Aaron had managed to find his sea legs, and could now wander around the ship without constantly being aware that ground was moving beneath him. He'd been up and out of his bed early, taking a quick breakfast of bread and tea alone and then stopping back through the cabin to find his cap, nudging Adam awake so he wouldn't miss out on the food.

He wound his way through the corridors, retracing his steps from yesterday to find the third-class outside deck. It was still quiet, not many people up yet, so Aaron found a little corner to himself and unfolded one of the wooden sun loungers. He took his jacket off and rolled up his sleeves, and then he lay back, looking up at the clear blue sky. The sound of the waves crashing against the ship as they cut through the water was soothing, the smell of sea salt sharp in his nose. The breeze tickled the hairs on his forearms, cooling the heat of the sun as it climbed higher in the sky.

Aaron supposed an hour must have passed by before the decks suddenly got busier. Delighted screams from children carried on the wind where they played with sticks and hoops, and there was laughter echoing from the higher classes above. More and more people had the same idea as Aaron, unfolding deck chairs with a thunk and chattering amongst themselves, until the sun was directly overhead and the whole deck was a hive of chatter and activity. Aaron could barely hear the waves over the din of all the people.

The hairs on the back of his neck prickled suddenly, and Aaron tensed. He pulled his cap further over his forehead and sat up a little way, trying his best to look casual as he scanned the deck around him. When nothing was immediately obvious, he relaxed a little, and then glanced up.

And saw him.

It was the man from the night before. Robert. He was stood a way up from Aaron, hands resting on the railings, looking directly down to where he lay. He made no secret of the fact that he'd been watching him, and when Aaron held his eye, he smiled. Aaron bit his lip, sitting up fully and steadfastly ignoring the twist in his stomach. He offered something close to a smile back, and Robert raised his left hand to...was he _beckoning_ him?

Aaron turned, looking over his shoulder in case he was waving at someone else. When he looked back, Robert's shoulders were shaking as he chuckled, and he beckoned more urgently. Aaron bit his lip.

Before he could think twice, he moved. He stood, retrieving his jacket, and crossed the deck to the doors leading to the inside. He was curiously unbothered by the fact that he knew he'd never get his sun lounger back now.

He found the steps leading up to second-class, and then passed by the gilded lifts and took the stairs up to first-class. The staircase was the grandest thing he'd ever seen. It was under the cover of a huge glass circular domed ceiling, daylight shining in and refracting light into every corner. The main staircase split into two as it went up, and it was all bordered with finely crafted oak handrails and gold painted ironwork. Aaron paused at the top, unsure, and then headed right.

Being in first-class in was uncomfortable to say the least. He tried to ignore the stares, holding his head high and pretending he belonged there, but he could still feel them like red hot knives in his back. His shoes squeaked on the highly polished marble floors as he headed towards the promenade, walking blindly and just hoping for the best. People looked, but no one stopped him.

Last night he had resigned himself to not seeing that finely dressed, well-spoken man again, but there he was, heading towards Aaron. He was dressed in a light white shirt, the top button undone, and a grey waistcoat with matching trousers, neatly pressed, with a pair of shining black shoes. Aaron stopped in front of him, twisting his cap in his hands.

"Hello, again," Robert said pleasantly, holding out a hand for Aaron to shake. Aaron took it, shaking it quickly and then hiding his hands behind his back lest Robert see the grime embedded under his fingernails. He folded his hands into fists against the tingling in his palms. "I'm sorry for disturbing you, it's just that I saw you down there and thought I should take the opportunity to thank you again for your help last night."

"Oh," Aaron said, nervously glancing to his left. He cleared his threat self consciously. "It's ok, I'm glad I could help. Are you feeling ok now?"

"Much better, thank you." He did look better, eyes brighter and cheeks pinker. "I just wondered if you'd let me get you that drink now?"

Aaron was shaking his head before Robert had even finished. "There's no need, really. I'm not really allowed to be up here anyway...you know, health codes and all that."

"Nonsense," Robert said with barely concealed distaste. He put a hand on Aaron's shoulder and steered him towards the promenade. "You're just as healthy as I am. At least take a walk with me."

They approached the doors, and the steward hovering there looked between the two of them for a fraction too long. "Sir-"

"He's an acquaintance of mine," Robert cut him off. "Do you have a problem with that?" he asked mildly.

"Not at all, sir," the steward replied hastily, opening the doors and gesturing them through. "Please."

"Could you please have your superior come to my suite at three o clock sharp this afternoon? Thank you."

The steward paled, but nodded. Aaron frowned. The doors swung shut behind them and Robert moved off down the deck, Aaron falling into step beside him.

The first-class promenade was huge, running the entire length of the ship. It was enclosed the whole way, shading them from the sunshine, the same wooden decking the whole way down. To their left there were large, spotless windows, and Aaron could just make out a large dining area on the inside. To their right, white steel beams extended down from the cover above them, joining onto the solid wooden edge of the promenade, creating lots of little shallow alcoves people could stop in and look out over the ocean. Men and women, dressed in light coloured suits and fine day dresses with matching parasols, strolled along together, conversing quietly.

A few people looked Aaron's way, staring at his clothing and then openly turning their noses up. He even saw one woman say something to another behind a gloved hand and they both tittered as they passed them. Aaron felt himself flush, and he pulled at his jacket in an attempt to make himself even a little more presentable. It was pointless, though; he would never look like he belonged up here. 

"Erm...is that really necessary?" he asked after a moment. "To speak to his superior? I mean, he's just doing his job; I'm not actually allowed up here."

Robert looked across at him, curiosity creasing his forehead, small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. In the daylight, Aaron could fully appreciate the exact shade of green of his eyes, the mix of blond tones in his hair that was carefully combed to one side. He must have only been a couple of years older than Aaron's twenty three, but his clothes made him look more than that. Aaron had a sudden urge to run his hands through Roberts hair, muss it up and see if he looked any younger. That thought was enough to make him snap his gaze away, derailing that train of thought before it could go any further.

"I know," Robert said, and Aaron could hear a smile in his voice. "I want to speak to his superior about my cabin steward. He's good at his job and I want him rewarded. That back there was just to make sure no one else bothers you."

Aaron stole a quick look at Robert’s grin, heartbeat tripping in his chest. "Oh," he said quietly. "Well...thank you."

"You're welcome. It's good to see people sticking up for each other though, it's refreshing." Robert’s smile was warm. "You rarely see that in my line of work."

"What is it you do?" Aaron found himself asking, watching a young boy and girl running in the other direction after a wooden hoop.

Robert made a derisive sound. "I'm in investment banking. My father owns a company in London. We take other business’ money, invest it for them. You look after your own company interests first, though, or you go under. I've seen it happen so many times."

"But you're not happy there, I take it," Aaron stated, and then caught himself. "Sorry, I don't mean to presume-"

But Robert huffed a laugh. "No, no, you'd be right in assuming that."

"You've not always lived in London though, have you? I can hear a bit of an accent in you."

"You hear correctly. I spent my childhood in Yorkshire, but when my father moved the business to London he decided to send me to finishing school. Can't be the heir to a business without the ‘proper’ accent," he flicked his fingers. "One day it'll all be mine, though, so. It's been a bit tricky over the past few months, but it's not a bad job. It could be worse."

"Yeah," Aaron said mildly. "I mean, you could spend your days mucking out cows and making hay bales, but yeah you're right, it could be worse."

A red flush spread its way up Robert's throat and he stopped Aaron with a hand to his bicep. Aaron looked up to find Robert peering into his eyes earnestly. "Aaron, I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by that."

"It's fine, I was only messing," Aaron shook his head with a smile. "You first-class lot wouldn't know a hard day's work if it came up to you and formally introduced itself."

"I'm not sure that's fair-"

"Oh come on," Aaron scoffed. "You should try being outside all day in the summer! I'd give anything to spend my life in a comfy office."

"It's not all you think it is, trust me," Robert told him. The smile faded from his face a little, and he dropped his gaze away. Aaron followed him, moving to stand at the railings and looking out over the wide expanse of the ocean.

Aaron was beginning to feel like stepped into a parallel universe; when he'd woken up this morning he'd had no idea that he'd spend his afternoon walking the length of the ship with this man. Robert, who surprised Aaron with every word that came out of his mouth. How could anyone look so at home in such a high class world, yet say things that completely contradicted his image? By all accounts people like him shouldn't exist, yet here he was, drawing Aaron in like a moth to flame.

"You know, I've always fancied being a travel writer," Robert told him. "Seeing the world, one place at time. Going wherever I like, whenever I want to. I thought about trying to publish a book or something, but even if I don't do that I think just writing it down for myself would be enough."

"Well," Aaron said, leaning next to him. "New York is a pretty good place to start, isn't it? Why can't you run the business and write at the same time?"

Robert shook his head slowly. "The business is where my life's headed; no point in wasting time entertaining anything else. Anyway," he straightened, turning his body so it faced Aaron. "Tell me a little about you."

"What do you wanna know?"

"Something," Robert shrugged. "Anything."

Aaron floundered for a moment. "I...I used to work on a farm, before I got on the ship," he began. "I sold it to pay for some of my ticket. I'm just looking for something new. Don't know what yet, I haven't planned that far ahead, you know?"

"You left your family behind?"

"Ain't got none," Aaron said gruffly. "Nothing keeping me back there anymore."

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" Aaron asked him. "I'm not. Life just happens, doesn't it? Doesn't mean you have to stay stuck in the same place. I reckon you just gotta keep moving, in any direction." He looked to his right to see Robert staring at him, an expression on his face Aaron couldn't quite read. "What?"

"No, nothing," Robert's face broke out into a genuine smile, eyes crinkling at the corners. "I just reckon that's quite good advice."

"Well, just because I'm down in third-class, it doesn't mean I don't have a brain," Aaron retorted. "And, you never know, I might become some big shot businessman out in America, and I'll be coming to you asking you to invest my money. It'll be first-class all the way for me."

"Better get used to ten course meals and bottles of champagne then."

Aaron felt his eyes grow wide. "Ten?!"

"Yep," Robert nodded. "And stuffy suits, and dinner parties, and polo matches and yacht shows every weekend you can't escape from, and-"

"Ok, I get it, thanks," Aaron held his palm up, grinning at Roberts bark of laughter. "Maybe I'll stick to my farms."

"What's it like?"

"To be poor?"

"No, to be...to be _free_? To be able to do whatever you want?"

"Robert," Aaron murmured, placing a hand on the man’s arm in a way he hoped was comforting. "You _can_ do whatever you want. You can go wherever you want, with whoever you want to go with."

But Robert still shook his head slowly. "I can't."

"You can," Aaron insisted. He nibbled the inside of his bottom lip. "Hey, look. There's going to be a bit of a party downstairs tonight, after dinner. I heard my roommates talking about it yesterday night. Come, if you want?"

" _Me_?" Robert asked, not a little incredulously. "Won't people mind, you know, me being down there?"

"So what if they do?" Aaron lifted one shoulder and let it drop again. "I invited you, so you're allowed to be there. We don't have nearly as many rules as you lot do."

Robert licked his lips, and then nodded determinedly. "Ok. Should I meet you somewhere?"

"Yeah, you'll get lost if you don't have me to show you around. What about by the lifts in second-class. Ten o clock?"

"I'll be there."

 

**********

 

Robert would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous.

He'd barely eaten anything at dinner, and excused himself early, feigning an oncoming migraine so he had time to change out of his dinner jacket and put something a little more casual on. The last thing he wanted to do was stand horribly out of the crowd. He opted for a clean white shirt and beige trousers, rolling the sleeves up his forearms and leaving the top two buttons undone.

When the clock displayed the time as five to ten, he left his suite, making his way quickly down toward the lifts. Jack and Chrissie wouldn't be retiring for at least another hour yet, but Robert wasn't taking any chances. He reckoned he had at least a couple of hours to spend with Aaron before anyone came looking for him.

He'd not been able to keep Aaron from his mind all afternoon. When he'd seen him lying there in the sun he'd been unable to stop himself from shamelessly staring at his lean form. He'd thought back to the night before, remembering the feel of Aaron's fingers at neck, his palm pressed to his chest. It had been so long, so many years since Robert had felt those first stirrings towards another man, and here it was, happening right now at the worst possible time in his life.

He’d needed to know more, and when Aaron saw him looking he found himself inviting him up. His father would have killed him if he'd seen him, but Robert had enjoyed it, quickly becoming fascinated with the way Aaron spoke, his wise outlook on life for someone still so young. From the moment he'd disappeared back down the stairs, Robert had found himself missing his company.

The lift attendant shut the gates behind them, and then cranked a lever, taking them down to second-class. When the gilded gates were pulled back again, Robert stepped out to find Aaron already waiting for him. He offered Robert a smile, which Robert returned eagerly. He'd clearly made an effort with his appearance; his hair was combed flat against his head, and he was wearing a different shirt. For one moment of blind hope, Robert thought he'd made the effort for him.

"Are you ready?" Aaron asked, and Robert nodded.

"As I'll ever be."

The lower Aaron lead him, the hotter and noisier it became. Robert was glad of his light shirt, because it was already sticking to his back as they finally reached the bottom of the stairs. Down in the bowels of the ship there were people everywhere, calling to one another, some in languages Robert didn't even recognise. The air was thick with cigarette smoke, acrid and stinging his eyes.

Aaron lead him through a maze of corridors, squeezing past people sitting in the corridors playing cards and drinking out of small flasks. Robert stuck close, worried that if he took his eyes off Aaron for a second he'd lose him. They turned left and right until Aaron paused, glancing back at Robert briefly before shoving his way through a gathering of people in front of a set of white doors. Robert followed, and then stopped, eyes wide.

The room was huge, just as big as the dining saloon upstairs, but instead of chandeliers and fine china everywhere, there were wooden tables covered with plain white tablecloths, all crammed in together with barely room to move between them. Some of them had been pushed back from the middle of the room to make room for a makeshift dance floor. Couples swung each other round, feet stepping in time to the upbeat music the small band was playing just next to the floor.

There were pint glasses everywhere, some empty, most full of a golden coloured liquid. Robert watched two men a little way from him clink glasses, drain the entire things, and then cheer loudly. He couldn't stop his grin, looking back at Aaron only to find him holding a glass out. Robert took it dubiously, swirling the liquid around in the glass.

"What?" Aaron asked over the din. "You first-class lot too posh for our cheap stuff?’"

Robert spluttered indignantly, and then accepted Aaron's challenge, tipping his head back and downing half in one go. It was bitter, but he gulped it down anyway. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and then raised an eyebrow at Aaron's surprised expression. "You were saying?"

Aaron threw half of his own pint back, and then grabbed Robert's hand. "Let's go, then.’"

Robert stumbled after him, staring down at their clasped hands. He marvelled at the way their hands looked together, Aaron's tanned skin, calloused and rough from his days spent working in the fields in stark contrast to Roberts pale, smooth fingers. His hand was slightly bigger, but Aaron had managed to twist his fingers just so that his hand covered most of Robert's. When Aaron stopped pulling and released his hand again, Robert found himself immediately mourning it's loss.

"Oi, Adam!" Aaron was yelling over the crowd. "C’mere a sec!"

A tall man, taller than Robert, and with the same scruff and tanned skin as Aaron, rose and made his way over to them. He clapped his hand onto Aaron's shoulder, knocking their pint glasses together. "Yes, lad! Knew you'd come! Who's your friend?"

Robert pulled himself to his full height. "Robert Sugden," he said, extending his hand for Adam to shake.

"Good to meet you, man," Adam nodded. He looked Robert up and down briefly, eyes narrowing. "Didn't know Aaron was bringing a guest...especially not one of you lot, I mean."

"Adam," Aaron rolled his eyes. "Don't scare him off."

Adam laughed delightedly, pausing to chug back more of his pint. "Relax, I’m just joking, Rob! You’re welcome anytime!"

Robert let out the breath he'd been holding, raising his pint for Adam to clink their glasses together. "Thank you."

"Come on," Aaron said. Let's go and get another drink. See ya in a bit, Adam!"

"You will, mate."

Aaron steered them around the edge of the dance floor towards a table that had been set up with more glasses and bottles. He poured them both a fresh pint, handing Robert's back to him.

"I haven't finished my first one yet!" Robert told him, waving his still half full glass at Aaron.

Aaron just looked at him, quirking an eyebrow. "So? Better get a move on if you wanna keep up!"

"But I'll get drunk if I drink all of this!"

Aaron's eyes crinkled with his laugh. "That's kind of the idea, Robert. You ever been to a party before?"

"Do engagement parties count?" Robert took the glass from him, holding them both gingerly in front of him.

"Not even a little bit, sorry." Aaron's eyes glinted in the dim lighting. "I mean, you don't have to drink it, not if you don't think you can handle it…"

Roberts lip curled, and he lifted his pint to his mouth. "Just you watch me."

 

Four pints in, there was a pleasant buzz in Robert's veins. His vision was beginning to go cloudy at the edges, and he was grateful for Aaron sticking close by; he was proving to be a very good leaning post.

He felt lighter than he had in awhile, relaxed in a way that he knew had less to do with the alcohol and more to do with the company around him. They were sat at the edge of the dance floor on wooden chairs, currently watching Adam dance with two little girls, one clinging to his back, one standing on his feet as he twirled them gently around in time to the music. Robert found himself clapping along, laughing with everyone else when a third little girl tried to climb Adam like a monkey, desperate to be involved.

He even found himself sharing a cigarette with Aaron, passing it back and forth between them, clouds of smoke leaving their lips and dissipating into the room. There was something intimate about it, watching Aaron put the cigarette between his lips and then pass it across, but Robert reveled in it. When Aaron came back with their fifth pint, Robert shuffled just that little bit closer. He settled his thigh against Aaron's, warmth blooming in chest when he didn't pull away.

When Adam’s dancing had given way to a tickle fight on the floor, Robert glanced up at the small clock hanging on one of the beams overhead, heart sinking when it showed the small hand resting on the two.

"I should go," he leaned close to speak into Aaron's ear, moving to push himself up from his chair.

"What? Why?"

"My father will be looking for me, no doubt," Robert shrugged heavily. "It's late."

"Rob, come on!" Aaron protested. "Remember what I said to you earlier? You can do whatever you like!"

Robert scoffed. "Try telling that to my father. To my fiancee."

He knew as soon as he’d said the words that his mouth had run away from him. He felt rather than saw Aaron recoil, and through his muddled brain he tried to work out what that meant. "Wait...You're engaged?"

Robert shook his head fiercely, back-pedalling. "No," he said adamantly. "That came out wrong. I'm not, but my father thinks I should be. He wants me to be even though I…I don't even _like_ her. Not really. S’that bad?"

Aaron held Robert's eye before he looked away, down at his drink. Robert had to lean in close to catch his next words. "Your world confuses me."

"Still wanna be a part of it?"

"If I have to marry someone I don't even like, let alone love? No thanks." He sighed heavily, and then stood. "Come on then, I'll walk you back out."

He guided Robert back through the maze of corridors, a hand on the small of his back to steady him. His touch burned through the material of his shirt, starting a fire where it rested at the base of Robert's spine. The edges of Robert's control were beginning to slip; he could feel it, like water trickling through his fingers. This thing building inside him was growing with every moment he spent next to Aaron, every second his hand was on him. How long, he wondered, would he have to fight against it for?

They reached the bottom of the stairs leading to second class, and Aaron paused. "You know your way from here, right?" he said, hand dropping away from Robert.

"Yes, thank you. And thank you for tonight, it was a lot of fun."

"You're welcome. Next time they throw a party I'll be sure to let you know."

"Please do." Robert made no move to leave. In a move uncharacteristic of himself, he bit his lip nervously, digging his hands into his pockets. "Maybe I should return the favour...ask you to dinner up with my family."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Aaron grimaced. "I don't have anything to wear."

"That doesn't matter."

"It matters to them," Aaron jerked his chin in the direction of the stairs. "Thank you for the offer, but I'm better off down here."

"Ok, well if you change your mind…"

Aaron nodded. "I know where to find you."

For a moment, they just stood in front of one another. Robert could still hear the faint noise from the party, and there were people dodging around them to go up the stairs, but he barely paid it any mind. Aaron was still looking at him, so open and earnest. He had this hold over Robert, something magnetic Robert couldn't pull away from. Not that he wanted to, either. He wanted Aaron close, wanted his hands on him again. Just the thought of it had a bright heat curling in the pit of his stomach.

"Well, erm," Aaron said breaking their eye contact. "Hopefully I'll see you again soon."

Robert took the hand he offered, shaking it and then keeping Aaron's hand prisoner. "You will," he murmured. "I'll make sure of it."

Robert saw Aaron’s throat bob as he swallowed. "Yeah?"

"Absolutely." Robert let his fingers drag over the underside of Aaron's hand and then let go completely. "I'm very sorry to have to leave you."

When he looked up, Aaron's lips had parted, eyes wide. All it took was Aaron's tongue flicking out to wet his bottom lip, and Robert was done for.

"Aaron-" he started, taking a step forward, but Aaron shook his head quickly. He yanked on Robert's hand, pulling him back in the direction they'd come.

"Come with me," he threw over his shoulder, and Robert obliged, tripping over his feet in his haste to follow.

Aaron pulled him down the corridor, and took a left, then a sharp right, and then came to a halt outside a door. He threw it open, dragged Robert inside, and then slammed the door behind them and pushed him back up against it.

A hot, wet mouth covered Robert's, lips pressing fiercely to his own. His breath caught in his throat, and he was frozen for half a second before his hands rose, one curving around Aaron's neck, the other flying to his waist. He drew away, angling his head to the left and then reclaiming Aaron's lips, drawing him close into his body. It was so different to the tender little kisses he'd shared with Chrissie; this was raw, rough and bordering on animalistic. Aaron tasted of the beer they'd drunk, and his lips were wind-chapped. His stubble scraped across Robert's chin, stinging in the most delicious way.

His hands came up, fingers threading themselves into the hair at the nape of Robert's neck. When he pulled, Robert gasped, and Aaron took the opportunity to touch his tongue to Robert's bottom lip, asking. His request was readily granted, and his tongue swept over Robert's, tasting and searching. All Robert's blood felt like it was heading south, pooling in the bottom of his stomach. He could feel his trousers getting tighter, and knew, with chagrin, that Aaron had felt it.

Aaron stopped, pulling away from Robert's mouth and looking down.

"Sorry," Robert panted. "I'm sorry-"

"What you sorry for?" Aaron dove back in, licking into Robert's mouth and pressing his hips inwards, letting Robert feel him through his trousers. "You got me going, too."

A groan left Robert's mouth, deep and guttural. When Aaron pulled away again, Robert made to follow, but Aaron stopped him with a hand to his chest. "But I think maybe we should pick this up another time...when we're not still a little bit drunk."

Robert closed his eyes briefly. "As much as I hate to say it, I agree."

They stood together for a moment, sharing each other's air. Robert tilted Aaron's head up for a soft, close lipped kiss, and then pulled away. "I really should go now."

Aaron nodded. "If the weather’s nice tomorrow I was going to go sunbathing again...come and see me, if you like?"

"I will." Robert ducked in again, stealing another kiss. "Goodnight."

"'Night."

Robert opened the door, stealing one last look back at Aaron, and shut it softly behind him.

 

********

 

The corridor was quiet, only a couple of lights remaining lit courtesy of James, guiding Robert's way to his rooms. His feet moved of his own accord, mind swirling with what had just happened. Aaron's body, pressed up against him, fingers tangled in the back of Roberts hair, breath ghosting across his lips. God, how had Robert gone so long without feeling like that? How had he come this far and not known what someone like Aaron could make him feel? That thing, that secret, hidden part of him he'd repressed for so long was slowly being drawn out by Aaron. It went against everything Robert knew he should feel; he was thrilled by it, utterly besotted. And he had no clue what to do now.

One thing he did know, with any doubt at all, was that he wanted more.

Robert stepped through the door of his suite, closing it softly behind him again. He toed off his shoes, only overbalancing very slightly, and then went about unbuttoning his shirt.

"Had fun, did you?"

Robert whirled around, heart in his mouth. "My god!" he exclaimed. "How long have you been sat there?"

Jack chose not to reply, reaching for his tumbler of whiskey and sipping from it instead. "Long enough," he said eventually. "How's your headache?"

Robert fumbled with his shirt buttons, hastily doing them back up. "Better, thank you. I just went for a walk to get some air."

"Oh?"

Robert swallowed. He could still taste the alcohol on the back of his tongue. "Yes. It's quite a cool night, it helped to clear my head. The breeze is chilly, though I suppose that's the Atlantic for you."

Jack's expression twisted into something ugly, and then he stood, draining the last drops of whiskey. Before Robert could blink, he drew back his arm and launched the glass, aiming straight at Robert's head.

Robert barely missed it, ducking and staggering back as the crystal hit the wood behind him and exploded into a thousand tiny pieces. He stared at the glass on the floor, mouth agape.

Jack strode over to him, grasping at front of his shirt and pulling, only to slam Robert back against the wall. It punched the breath from him, leaving him gasping for air as Jack leaned in, eyes blazing.

"You listen to me, Robert," he hissed. "I will not have you lying to me, is that clear? And I will not tolerate this stupidity, this... _recklessness_. What were you thinking? Drinking with likes of those people downstairs? Do you think it makes you clever, is that it?"

"No," Robert muttered through gritted teeth, winded. "I just- I wanted to see what it's like down there."

"You don't need to know what it's like!" Jack's fist clenched harder in Robert's shirt. "You don't need to care! You have responsibilities! To me, to this business, to your fiancée!"

"She's _not_ my fiancée!" Robert growled. "Stop calling her that! What makes you think I want to marry _her_?"

Jack went deathly still. Then he stepped back, releasing Robert. He slid down the wall a little, chest heaving. "If you have any intention of staying a part of this family, she will be your fiancée by the time we dock in New York." Jack straightened his jacket. "This conversation is over. I suggest you have a long think about your future, and about the company you keep. Goodnight, Robert."

He left without a backward glance, door snicking shut behind him.

Robert's legs gave way from underneath him, and he sunk down the wall until he was sprawled on the carpet. He drew his knees up, dropping his head into his hands. How had Jack known? How had he found out where Robert had been? Who had see him, wrapped up in Aaron in the corridor?

He balled his hands into fists, pressing them against the burning behind his eyes. The evening had gone so well; he'd been happier in the last couple of hours than he had been in years, only to have it snatched away from him, replaced with a cruel reminder of his real life.

What he would pay, he thought, to be like Aaron. To have nothing, and yet to have the world at his fingertips, and everything in it and more to give.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments. Hope you like this!

"Captain Smith says that they're lighting last boilers today. That means we'll be going at full speed, and he says that we might even get into New York earlier than planned. Wouldn’t that be wonderful, darling?"

"Quite," Robert answered mildly. He looked down at the cup of tea that had been poured for him but made no move to pick it up. He had no appetite, and the mid-morning tea that had been served on their private promenade only succeeded in making him feel rather nauseous.

"He said that there have also been reports of ice in the area, coming in from other ships traveling on the Atlantic. But Captain Smith says it's nothing to worry about- quite normal for this time of year, in fact."

"Is that so."

Chrissie set her teacup down with a gentle clink, folding her hands into her lap. "I'd appreciate it a little if you listened to me when I talk to you, Robert."

Robert met her cool gaze. "I am listening to you, my dear. I'm just a little tired, that's all."

Chrissie nodded. If Jack had told her about Robert's little escapade last night, she didn't show it. "Are you having trouble sleeping?" she asked.

"Yes...I've still not got my sea legs, unfortunately. The rocking of the ship kept me awake."

"Poor thing. Maybe you ought to go down to the hospital, see if there's anything they can give you."

"I'm sure I'll be fine," Robert dismissed her suggestion. "Perhaps a lie down before dinner will help."

"Oh, well, there may not be time for that. You see, your father has arranged to take afternoon tea with Mr Astor and his wife." Chrissie leaned forward, eyes widening. "He's the richest man on the ship, you know. Your father wants to talk business with him. Could prove to be beneficial, no?"

"Oh," Robert frowned. "Well, I'd rather hoped to be able to go for a walk, just along the promenade to stretch my legs. No matter, though- I'll go now."

Robert tried not to look too pleased, taking his jacket from the back of his chair and sliding it on. He had no intention at all of taking a walk, rather, he was going to hurry straight down to third-class to see if he could catch Aaron sunbathing. It was another beautiful day, sun beaming down onto the ship, so there was no doubt that he’d be out on the lower deck as he'd said he would be.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, darling," Chrissie said, leaning forward over the table to catch his jacket sleeve. "But Mr Andrews is going to be joining us in a moment...I invited him for tea after he's finished his morning rounds."

"Right," Robert sank back into his chair, trying not to look too disappointed. He slowly removed his jacket again. "I see."

"I asked him to bring some of his blueprints for us to have a look at. I don't pretend to understand any of it but I thought he might be able to talk us through them. He’s such a nice man, and so clever too!"

"Indeed he is," Robert stirred his tea and set down the silver teaspoon with a soft clink. "Will my father be joining us?"

"I believe so. He was in the smoking room last I heard."

On cue, the door to the promenade swung open and Jack stepped through. He strode over to the table, bringing with him the strong smell of cigars, and kissed the back of Chrissie's hand. Then he turned to Robert, dropping a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"Good to see you up, Robert. I hope you had a better night's sleep?"

A white hot tendril of anger curled at the back of Robert's neck. Of course Jack would pretend like nothing had happened last night. In his mind, it had probably never even happened at all.

"Father," Robert said politely, and offered nothing more.

A steward hovered at Jack's side, pouring him a cup of tea. Jack took it, sipping it and giving a small sigh of pleasure. "Right then, when is Mr Andrews joining us?"

It was all Robert could do not to put his head in his hands.

 

**********

 

Robert sank down on his bed, a soft groan leaving him. He'd only just managed to shake his father and Chrissie off after a whole day’s constant socialising. If he had to shake any more hands, fake-laugh at any more unfunny jokes, or have another bloody cup of tea he was going to scream. Unfortunately, his moment’s peace would be short-lived; he had an hour to change before he had to be in the dining saloon for their evening meal.

Robert’s mind hadn't strayed far from Aaron the whole day. All he'd managed to think about was the ways he could escape and head downstairs to find him. It had made him restless and impatient, thinking of Aaron sitting on the lower deck, basking in the sunlight while he waited for Robert to join him. The thought of disappointing him had almost been too much for Robert to bear. Jack's little warning last night had done nothing to deter him; as soon as he could get away he was going to head downstairs, seek Aaron out through the winding corridors.

If he was lucky, Aaron might even let Robert kiss him again.

He could think of nothing he wanted more. It was an ache of want so fierce inside him he didn't think it would ever stop.

He stood, crossing to his mirror and eyeing his appearance. James had left his tux out, another costume for him to be paraded around in. He touched the luxurious black material gently, stiff from having never been worn, and released a slow exhale from deep inside him. Then he toed his shoes off and began unbuttoning his shirt.

An hour later they were well into their third course. Robert pushed his poached salmon around the plate with his fork and tried to look interested in the conversation his father was having with the other passengers at the table. Thankfully the talk was not of business, but sport. Still, Robert let it wash over him, not paying any attention.

"Is the salmon not to your liking, darling?" Chrissie asked quietly from his left side.

He mustered half a smile, quickly taking a bite. "It's fine, thank you."

"You've been awfully quiet all day, is something the matter?"

"Not at all," Robert caught Jack's eye across the table, not missing the way his eyebrows drew together slightly. "Like I said this morning, I just feel rather tired today."

"I really do think you ought to see the doctor, have him prescribe you something," Chrissie pressed. "We still have the dance to look forward to this evening, too."

"I'm sorry?" Robert said, nearly losing his grip on his fork. "Dance?"

"Yes, you must remember it from the schedule that came through with our tickets? There is to be a dance in the Verandah Court tonight. The band will be playing for us as well. It really does look marvellous in there, have you visited it yet?"

"No, I haven't…" Robert said faintly. "I'm afraid I really must excuse myself from it, my dear. My head-"

"Nonsense, Robert," his father piped up, apparently having been listening to their conversation the entire time. "I won't have you missing out, especially when dearest Chrissie has been looking forward to it all day!"

"Oh, Mr Sugden, please, if Robert isn't feeling well then he must go and lie down-"

"Robert is perfectly fine. Aren't you, son?" Jack’s eyes were cold, mouth set into a thin line.

Robert found himself nodding. "Of course. If you want to go, we shall go."

Chrissie patted his arm, reaching for her crystal goblet. "Thank you, darling."

When the tenth and final course was over, all the men save Robert stood to retire to the smoking room. He helped Chrissie to her feet, draping her shawl across her shoulders, and then folded her arm through his while his father looked on approvingly.

They followed numerous other couples out of the saloon and up a flight of stairs, past some of the cabins and to the Verandah Court. It was large room, though not as large as the saloon, with black and white checkered tiles. White trellises lined the walls, with green ivy climbing up to the ceiling. All the tables and chairs had been removed, and there was a five piece band stood poised in one corner.

"Isn’t this lovely?" Chrissie sighed, urging Robert to the middle of the floor. A moment later the band struck up, playing a slow, melodic tune. It was easy enough to dance to, and Robert guided them around, nodding greetings to other couples that passed by.

On one little half-turn, Robert glanced at the clock next to the band. It was getting late. At this rate he would have to wait until everyone had gone to bed to sneak down and see Aaron. What if he had forgotten the way? What if Aaron had given up after Robert hadn't seen him today and had hidden himself away somewhere? Robert could be down there all night looking for him.

"You know, Robert," Chrissie said conversationally, snapping Robert from his thoughts. She spoke just loud enough for Robert to hear her over the music. "Sometimes I wonder if there's something the matter with me."

Robert frowned, leading them into a slow turn. "There is nothing the matter with you, Chrissie."

"No? Oh," Chrissie's gaze was locked over Robert's shoulder. "I suppose that means that the fault must lie with you, then."

"Excuse me?" Robert asked indignantly, peering down to look at her. "Forgive me, what fault?"

"Well, one would have thought that with your family’s current... _financial situation_ , coupled with the fact that you and I have been an item for more than a year now, well. Those two factors alone are more than enough motivation for a proposal of marriage, are they not?"

Robert went still. Chrissie stopped too, still not looking at him. "I know that there's a ring," she continued. "I also know that your father is keen for you to make an announcement. So, do you perhaps see why I have come to the conclusion that there is a fault somewhere?"

Robert gritted his teeth. "Any future propositions of mine, to anyone, are my business and mine alone. I'll thank you not to press me on them."

"Oh, but I rather think," Chrissie's voice became silky smooth, her hand tightening on Robert's shoulder. "That when the future of your company lies in the hands of my inheritance, it is rather my business, don't you think?"

Robert stared at her. "You-"

"I am not stupid, Robert. Your father may think I am, but I can assure you that I am not. You may have tried to hide it, but your company has been in trouble for a while now, and it's beginning to show. Without my help, well, you could end up destitute. This relationship of ours could be mutually very beneficial, you know. I can give you what you need, you can give me what I want."

Robert forced his feet to move, gently turning them back into the other couples. "Which is?"

"A content life. A family. You're good for my image, really. And I would be prepared to turn a blind eye to the... _alternative_ ….company you choose to keep."

Robert's blood turned cold. "I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, I think you do. It's one thing actively choosing to fraternise with those low-lives downstairs, but to have a relationship with one when you're engaged to someone else? Well," her eyes glittered menacingly. "The papers would have a field day."

Robert voice trembled when he next spoke, fury coursing through his veins and making his hands tremble. "You're abhorrent."

"I know my worth. And I will not be made a fool of. So, if I were you I'd have a long, hard think about what it is you want from me. Maybe it's time to fetch that little box from your luggage."

Robert yanked away from her completely, taking a wide step back. "Absolutely not."

The smile slipped from Chrissie's face. "I'm sorry?"

"I said, no." People were beginning to turn and look, but Robert couldn't stop, the words tumbling from his mouth. "You can do what you like, but I want nothing more to do with you."

"Robert," Chrissie let out a nervous giggle, glancing at the couples around them. "Darling, please-"

"Enough," Robert spoke over her. His heart felt like it had relocated somewhere in his throat. "From this moment on, you and I are finished. I do not want to see your face again for the remainder of this trip, is that clear?"

Robert took one long, hard look at Chrissie's shocked expression, and then turned on his heel, striding away through the cafe and slamming out of the doors. The glass in the panes rattled in his wake.

The look on his face must have been something fierce, for people scattered out of his way as he marched across the marble floor, heading for the grand staircase. He stopped at the lifts, stepping inside and waiting for the attendant to shut the gates behind them.

"E-deck," he all but growled.

The attendant looked at him for a second, but wisely chose not to say anything. He cranked the lever and down they went, into the depths of the ship.

 

**********

 

Aaron sat by himself in his cabin, twisting a piece of string from the bottom of his fraying shirt around his fingers. Adam was out playing cards with some people he'd met the night before, and Aaron didn't know where the Irishmen had gone. He was restless, annoyed with being stuck inside when he was used to the sprawling expanse of the farm, but the night was too cold to be up on deck.

Plus, he didn't want to run the risk of being seen by Robert. The ship was huge, and there would be plenty of spaces to hide, but Aaron didn't want to risk it, not after Robert had made it clear today that he didn't want to be seen in his company. He'd waited outside for most of the day, even skipping lunch in case he missed seeing Robert, but the man had never shown. The sun had moved high in the sky and had then begun to go down again before Aaron finally admitted to himself that he wasn't coming.

He was frustrated by the hurt he felt, and then angry that he couldn't shake it off. That evening he’d gone for dinner and then to the men's washroom, queuing for his turn for the bath and moping all the while. He didn't blame Adam for going out; Aaron didn't want to be around himself either.

He hadn't been able to think of anything else but that kiss the night before. He'd cursed himself all night for pushing Robert away, but now he was glad he had. It was his own fault for thinking that Robert was different, for thinking that he would stick around.

He lay down sideways, closing his eyes and focusing on the gentle rocking motion of the ship. It was getting late, and he just wanted the day to be over. The sooner they got into New York and he could start again, the better.

He was just drifting off, lulled by the hum of the engines, when he heard footsteps thundering down the corridor. A fist hammered on his cabin door and he jumped halfway out of his skin, bolting upright and narrowly avoiding smacking his head on the ceiling.

With a roll of his eyes, he jumped down from his bunk. Clearly, Adam had been drinking.

"Adam!" he hissed, yanking the door open. "Shut up or you'll get us reported-"

His words died on his tongue.

Robert stood outside his door, cheeks flushed and chest heaving like he'd been running, dressed in a black tuxedo. His eyes were bright and a little wild, shining with something that made Aaron swallow against the lump that had formed in his throat.

"Rob?" he said faintly. "What are you…?" But Robert shook his head, bundling himself into Aaron's room and reaching for him. Aaron didn't have time to think before Robert's hands were on his neck, mouth pressed against his own.

The door closed behind them, but Aaron didn't hear it. All he knew was Robert's mouth on him, all teeth and tongue and desperate presses of his lips to Aaron, and it was all he could do to keep up. He gripped his shoulders as Robert's hands pulled at his waist, rucking up the back of his jacket to flatten his palms against Aaron's skin and pull their bodies together. His breath trembled on Aaron's lips when they broke apart, only to fit back together even closer than before.

"Aaron," he breathed into the kisses. "Aaron."

"Yeah," Aaron replied. "M’here."

Any sort of doubt he'd had immediately vanished. Wherever he'd been all day, Robert had come back to _him_ , and that thought alone set something on fire inside of him, burning through his blood. He began to push back just as urgently, needy and wanting.

Robert hands moved around from his back, sliding over the smooth skin of his stomach, tickling the little trail of hair in the middle. One hand travelled up, coming to rest on Aaron's chest, while the other moved to cup his neck. He walked them backwards until he hit the side of the bunk bed with a thump and Robert pulled away abruptly.

"Aaron, please," he begged, nose pushed into his cheek. "God help me, I want you."

Aaron's knees shook, and he swallowed heavily. "Yeah."

"Tell me it's not just me. Please, Aaron, tell me I didn't imagine this, _us_."

"No," Aaron shook his head. He licked his lips, tasting Robert there already. "It's not just you. I want you, too. So much. The moment I saw you on the deck that first night-" Robert made a desperate sound, covering Aaron's mouth again. His hand dropped from Aaron's chest, heading lower. "Wait," Aaron grabbed his wrist. "Wait. Are you sure?"

Robert nodded frantically. "I'm sure. For so long I've...I just need-"

"Ok," Aaron soothed. "It's ok." He reached up to push Robert's jacket from his shoulders, letting it crease on the floor.

He fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, so reminiscent of the first night they'd met, and undid them clumsily. Robert's hands went to the waist of his trousers, picking apart the laces and letting them fall to join his jacket. His mouth moved to Aaron's neck, just a hint of teeth as he sucked at the skin, drawing blood to the surface and making Aaron wince at the sting. He arched into Robert, breath stuttering in his throat when he brushed against the front of Robert's trousers.

"Come on," he pulled Robert down into the bottom bunk, stretching himself out underneath him. Robert fit himself in between Aaron's legs and one big hand gripped his bare thigh. "Robert, come _on_."

"God, how have I gone this long without this?" Robert said, pressing a line of kisses across Aaron's collarbone. "Without you?"

Something bubbled up Aaron's throat, tasting like want and need and a little bit like _love_.

He reached down, closing his fist around Robert cautiously, feeling him warm and heavy in his palm. He moved his hand experimentally, pleased when Robert's hips jerked and a low moan vibrated through his throat. Encouraged, he continued, twisting his wrist and squeezing gently, eyes locked with Robert's. After a few moments Robert stopped him with a hand to his wrist, bending to kiss him messily, all tongue and virtually no pressure, before he sat back on his heels between Aaron's legs.

His fingers trailed across his stomach and tickled the inside of his thigh before moving lower, stroking across the most sensitive part of him. Aaron couldn't hold back his shiver; it was overwhelming, having Robert this close, wanting him so desperately. He'd messed around with a couple of the farmhands back home a couple of times, but he'd never had this, never needed someone so badly it was almost too much for him to handle. Robert paused, waiting for Aaron's nod, and then looked down at where his fingers touched Aaron, brow furrowed slightly in concentration.

He was slow, and gentle, fingers twisting just right, swallowing Aaron's small gasps and moans. And when Robert finally pressed into him Aaron's breath stopped; the pressure and the heat and the fullness almost too much to take. He arched his back high, grabbing at Robert's waist. Robert's lips were at his ear, one hand gripping Aaron's thigh and the other supporting his weight as he began to slowly rock his hips. He murmured comforting, gentle words to him through short, sharp breaths, pressing hot kisses to the skin of Aaron's neck.

Aaron let him in, let him take him apart piece by tiny piece, the roaring in his ears drowning out the sounds of the waves outside.

 

**********

 

Given the choice, Robert would probably stay where he was forever.

He was still half on top of Aaron, fingers threaded through his hair, breathing unsteadily into his neck. He could feel Aaron's heartbeat rabbiting in his chest, and watched the sheen of sweat on his chest glimmer with every inhale and exhale. Their skin felt sticky and Robert knew they were stuck together, but he'd put up with anything as long as Aaron kept his hands on him, stroking up and down his back gently.

"That was…" Aaron croaked, and then fell silent.

Robert nodded, nose brushing the cut of Aaron's jaw. "It was."

Their desperation had cooled, making way for something more fragile, peaceful. He grimaced at the goosebumps rising on the skin of his arms. Sooner or later he would have to put his clothes back on and make his way back upstairs to face the music. Not just yet though, he reasoned. Just five more minutes lying here with Aaron wouldn't hurt. Five more minutes to pretend he was someone else in some other world, where him being with Aaron would never be questioned.

Gradually, he felt Aaron's heartbeat slow. He shivered, and Robert shifted and reached to the floor, handing Aaron's shirt to him.

"Thanks," Aaron breathed, half sitting up and slipping his shirt over his head. He lay back again, allowing Robert to pillow his head on his shoulder.

"Aaron," Robert said, quietly so as not to shatter the peace between them. "I'm sorry for not coming to see you today…my father kept me upstairs with him all day, I couldn't escape.”

Aaron was quiet for a moment, and then to Robert's relief he pressed a kiss to his temple. "It's ok. I was worried, a bit. I waited for you all day. Thought you'd changed your mind.”

"About…?" Aaron shrugged, jostling Robert's head.

"Me, I guess. Being seen with me."

Robert made a noise of protest. His hand rested on Aaron's stomach, thumb running back and forth over the skin there. "None of that stuff matters to me. You must know that?"

"Well…" Aaron looked at the bottom of his bunk above him. "I wasn't sure."

"Aaron," Robert lifted his head to look Aaron in the eyes. They were so blue in the dull lamplight, looking at Robert as if they could see directly into his soul. "I'm sure. About you. About us. That life up there...it doesn't matter. None of it matters!" He took a deep breath. "When we get into New York, I want to leave with you."

"Robert," Aaron sat up, dislodging Robert from his chest and moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "That's a mad thing to say, you can't mean that."

"I do." Robert insisted, shuffling to sit next to him. "I mean it."

"You don't!" Aaron told him firmly. "You've got your life, your family, your job to think of! You can't throw that all away for someone you've only known a couple of days! I have nothing, no money, no job...you can't want that."

Robert grabbed hold of his hand, bringing it close to his chest and wrapping both of his around it. "I do. I've made my mind up. I'm going with you." He blinked, faltering. "Unless...unless you don't want me to?"

"Don't be an idiot," Aaron shifted closer, pressing his forehead to Robert's, touching their noses together. "Of course I do. But only...if you're sure."

"I am." Robert grinned. "Promise."

Aaron shook his head, and then wrapped a hand around the back of Robert's neck, pulling him in for a quick hard kiss. "God, this is mad.”

Robert's heart soared. "It is, but I've made my mind up. In fact, I’ll tell my father right now if you'll come with me. Come on."

He stood, pulling Aaron up with him and then releasing him to gather their clothes. He pulled his trousers and shoes on hastily, virtually holding his breath, waiting for Aaron to protest again.

He never did. So Robert pulled on his hand, and lead them out of the cabin.

The corridors were quiet, most people having gone to bed. Robert supposed it must have been near the middle of the night. There were a few voices coming from inside the cabins they passed by, but other than that, everything was quiet. He couldn't even feel the steady rocking of the ship across the ocean, it was that still.

They made it up to the top of the third-class staircase before they encountered people coming the other way. On first glance it looked like crew doing their rounds, but as they got closer Robert could see their uniforms, and his heart sunk like a heavy stone when he recognised the finely dressed woman that accompanied them.

"There!" Chrissie said, pointing directly at Aaron. "That's him!"

"What?" he heard Aaron say behind him. Robert gripped Aaron's hand tighter, and took another step forward so he was half shielding him with his own body.

Chrissie, two crewmen, and the master-at-arms stopped in front of them. The master-at-arms was a stern man, dressed in a navy uniform, cap pulled low over his heavy brow. His thin, pursed lips were half hidden by a bushy moustache. Robert swallowed thickly when he saw the silver handcuffs glinting from his pocket.

"Chrissie," he muttered. "What are you doing?"

"That man there!" Chrissie pointed at Aaron again, tears building at the corners of her eyes. "He's done something to my fiancé!"

"You what?" Aaron scoffed. He peered over Robert's shoulder. "What you on about, you mad cow? I've not done anything to him!"

"You watch how you speak to the lady, lad," one of the crewmen warned.

"He's...he's _corrupted_ him," Chrissie spat. "Taken him away from me! We’re supposed to be getting married!"

"What? You're not even _engaged_ ," Aaron sneered from behind him. "Robert’s never asked you!"

"Aaron," Robert stopped him, watching Chrissie warily.

She looked positively murderous. It was astounding, how wrong Robert had been about this woman in front of him. Maybe it was his own fault for underestimating her, but the person he'd met a year ago and the person standing in front of him now were two entirely different beings. They didn't belong to the same body. Robert knew that money and greed could make you nasty, but it was unnerving watching it happen in front of him.

"He's a thief, too," she added. "He's stolen jewellery from my room!"

"I never!" Aaron gasped. "I've been down here the whole time!"

"He hasn't stolen anything!" Robert shook his head disbelievingly. "What are you playing at?!"

"As if I'd wanna go near _your_ room."

"Please, sir," Chrissie ignored them, turning to the master-at-arms. "Can't you do something?"

"Right, boys," the officer said to his crewmen. "Let's take him downstairs, ask him a few questions."

"What? Why?" Aaron yelped.

"No." The crewmen ignored Robert, each pushing past him and grabbing hold of one of Aaron's biceps. Robert held fast to his hand, fingers tightening around Aaron's. "Wait, you can't...Aaron!"

The crewmen were too strong for Aaron's struggles, and they marched him back towards the stairs. His fingers were jerked from between Robert's, and he could only watch, helpless, as they disappeared back downstairs.

"Chrissie," he asked her, voice trembling with rage. "What exactly do you think you're doing? I've been with him all this time, no one's stolen anything from you."

"You should have listened to me, darling," she said from behind him, sounding bored. "I get what I want. I do not lose to peasants."

It took everything Robert had to stay in control. "I'm going to get him," he moved forward.

"You can't, your father wants to speak to you in your room."

"He'll have to wait."

" _Robert_."

Robert stopped, closing his eyes for a moment. "He's got five minutes of my time. Then I'm going to find Aaron."He turned on his heel and swept passed Chrissie, careful not to touch her. "Do _not_ follow me."

 

**********

 

"Ah, Robert," Jack said pleasantly when Robert stormed through the door. "How are you feeling?"

"Why didn't you tell me that Chrissie knows about Aaron?" Robert demanded, leaning down and resting his hands on the table Jack sat at. "You told her? Do you know what she's just done? She's had Aaron arrested, for no reason at all!"

Jack regarded Robert calmly over the top of his cup of tea. "She's your fiancée. She deserved to know."

"For the last time," Robert slammed his hands on the table, making Jack flinch. "I am not, nor will I ever be, engaged to Chrissie. What is it going to take for you to understand that?!"

"Honestly, I don't know what's gotten into you these past few days, Robert," Jack shook his head. "What's happened to your loyalty?"

" _My_ loyalty? After what you've done?" he said incredulously. "You want me to be loyal to you after this? Pushing me into a marriage I don't want? Parading me around like some sort of trophy?"

Jack got his feet so fast Robert nearly missed it. "Remember who is it you're speaking to! I will not allow you to disrespect me like this! Running around with a poor boy, please!" he laughed sardonically. "What does he have to offer you?"

Robert smiled, watching Jack's face turn steadily redder. "You have no idea."

"Don't be ridiculous! What would your dear mother say?"

Robert took a step back as if Jack had struck him. "You have no right to speak of her," he ground out. "She would want me to be happy."

"And that low-life scumbag makes you happy, does he? Please, Robert, listen to yourself!"

Robert took a number of slow, steady breaths in an attempt to rein in his anger. "No, you listen to me, Jack, because I will say this only once," he said softly. "Aaron has made me happier in the last few days than I have been in years. Now, you can disown me, disinherit me, do what you like, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I am going back downstairs to find him, and when we get to New York and I can finally get off this godforsaken ship, I am leaving with him. Is there any part of that you don't understand?"

Jack had turned an odd shade of purple. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but no sound came out.

"Good," Robert said, and turned to leave.

Before he could, a great juddering came from beneath them, shaking the entire room. The tea set rattled on the table, and he heard the smash of porcelain in the bathroom. Robert put a hand out to the wall to steady himself, and turned to look out of the window.

"What the hell was that?"


	4. Chapter Four

"The engines have stopped," Robert said, listening to the silence below them. "Why have they stopped?"

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," Jack said, reaching to straighten one of the empty teacups that had fallen over. "Where's your steward?"

"James?" Robert continued over to the door, poking his head out. The corridor was still quiet. He turned left out of his rooms, peering around corners for him. "James?" he said a little louder.

"Sir?" A voice said from down the corridor. James appeared, rubbing a hand over his face and hastily putting his jacket on. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Did you feel that?" Robert asked him. "That shaking?"

"Yes, sir, I did. It woke me up."

"The engines have stopped, too." Robert looked out of the nearest porthole over the inky black expanse of the Atlantic. "We’re definitely not moving. Would you mind going to ask someone what's going on?"

"Of course, sir," James inclined his head. "Please, go back to your room. I'll be back with you shortly." He hurried away down the corridor.

Jack had seated himself back at the table and poured himself a fresh cup of tea. Robert ignored him, crossing over to the window and peering out. Unease settled in the pit of his stomach. "Something isn't right."

"Nonsense, Robert. Everything is perfectly fine. The engines will start again in a minute, you'll see." Robert frowned at his reflection in the window. "Son, please. Come and sit down. There are still things we need to discuss."

"There is nothing more we need to talk about," Robert replied. He heard Jack sigh heavily. "I've said everything I have to say."

"You're still so young, you don't know how you feel-"

"I've told you," Robert half turned towards him. "I'm going with Aaron. I do not need your approval."

There was a knock at the door, and James stepped through, bowing quickly. "Sir," he struggled for breath, forehead a little shiny. "I've been told to ask you to report to the top deck as quickly as possible, sir. You are to dress warmly and wear your life preservers." He hurried into Robert's bedroom without another word.

"Life preservers?" Jack scoffed. The unease in Robert's stomach grew, crawling up his spine. James came back, a thick jacket and Robert's overcoat in one hand and a white life preserver in the other.

"Here, sir, please put these on. It's just a precaution, but it's rather better to be safe, I think." He turned his attention to Jack. "You too, please, sir. Would you like me to accompany you to your room?"

"I don't think that's necessary," Jack said, taking another mouthful of tea. "It's just a precaution. They'll have sorted out the problem in no time."

"But sir, your life preserver-"

"What good is a life preserver on an unsinkable ship?" Jack asked with a chuckle.

"There's a problem, isn't there," Robert asked James, watching him shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other. He was trying hard not show it, but Robert could see his fear. "There's something you're not telling us."

"It appears there was a small collision sir, but I'm sure there's no real damage as a result," James was quick reassure. "It's just a precaution, sir, but I really must insist you put your preservers on and go to the top deck."

Robert put down the clothing James had handed to him. "A collision? I'm going to find Aaron."

"Sir-"

"James, thank you for all your help," Robert stopped him from following. "But for the love of God, don't hang around here. Put that preserver on and get to the top deck. No arguments."

James offered Robert a grateful smile. "Thank you, sir."

"For god's sake! All this nonsense over nothing!" Jack stood. "This ship isn't going anywhere!"

"Jack," Robert spoke over him. "For the first time in your life, listen to what people are telling you! Just go!"

"Why?! There's nothing to worry about!"

James crossed the door to Robert, pausing in tying the strings of his preserver to nod his head. Robert patted him on the shoulder and opened the door for him to leave.

"Fine, stay here. But if something is really wrong, don't say I didn't warn you," he threw over his shoulder as he turned to follow James. "Goodbye, Jack."

"Robert-" But Robert didn't stay to hear anymore. He let the door swing shut behind him and then set off down the corridor, taking the stairs two at a time.

People were beginning to head up towards the deck, some looking confused, others indignant, as stewards and crew herded them upwards and handed them life jackets. A few people protested loudly, demanding to know why they were being awoken at this hour.

As Robert went lower, the tension in the air rose, prickling the back of his neck. Down in second-class, people were moving quicker. Parents hurried past him on the stairs, carrying children wearing small life jackets. Robert watched one little girl with blue ribbons in her hair get swept up by her father, still holding a small teddy bear and rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"This way, please!" A couple of the crew waved people up the stairs. "Please make your way to the top deck! Don't rush, there is no need to panic!"

Robert pushed past an middle-aged couple and kept going down. The closer he got to third-class, the louder it got. There were people yelling, children crying, all of them rushing up towards Robert, shoving past him up the stairs. Some had their life preservers on and others were barely dressed, carrying their shoes as they pushed along with the crowd. Robert flattened himself against the wall, edging down.

He finally made his way through to the bottom of the staircase, dodging left and going lower down a side set of stairs. If they had had taken Aaron anywhere it would be to the master-at-arms’ office, and Robert knew that was at the bottom of the ship by the mailroom. If he had any chance of finding Aaron, he had to keep going down.

The corridor he'd come to was completely empty, and Robert broke into a jog, looking right and left for any signs pointing to the mailroom. It was eerily quiet, not a soul in sight. The reason why became clear a moment later when he turned right and stopped dead. His blood turned to ice in his veins.

Water, silent and deadly, was creeping up the hallway to meet him.

 

**********

 

Aaron threw himself at the door, crying out in pain when his shoulder collided with the wood. He reeled back and tried again, using his whole body weight as a battering ram. The door stayed solid, not budging a millimetre.

Aaron pushed down against the growing panic clawing up his throat. He knew there was no one down here, no one to hear him. Everyone had already gone.

They'd put him down here after they'd questioned him, in the master-at-arm’s office, the men leaving with a frown and the resolute click of a lock. He'd done everything, emptied out all the cupboards and drawers looking for a spare key, and still come up with nothing.

Robert hadn’t even followed him, hadn't even tried to. That had hurt more than being accused of something he didn't do. He'd said so many lovely things to Aaron, loved him and promised him a future, but in the end he was no different to the rest of his class. He didn't care. When it came down to it Robert had gone back upstairs with that woman who’d had him arrested.

Robert wouldn't be able to find him down here though, and Aaron wasn't about to sit around twiddling his thumbs all night. He had just begun to go back through the overturned cabinets, when there was a shaking from beneath that threw him to the floor, a high pitched screeching piercing his eardrums. The high pitched grinding of metal seemed to go on forever, reverberating in his chest. And then it was gone, leaving a deafening silence in its wake.

There was a moment of quiet, and then all hell broke loose. Footsteps thundered on the floor above him, voices shouted, urgent and panicked. From outside there were more voices, more people running past the door. Aaron had stumbled to his feet and pressed his ear to the door, listening to the chaos. He'd hammered with his fist, harder when it became obvious that one could hear him.

And then there was water.

He'd not noticed until he stepped in it, the freezing sea soaking through his shoe and to his bare skin. It followed him as he backed away, lining the whole floor. Aaron stayed frozen for half a second, barely breathing, and then he'd splashed through the water to the door, pounding and yelling for someone, anyone. It rose at an alarming rate, ankle deep in what felt like minutes. But apart from the sound of the running water, the hallways were silent.

It was bad, Aaron knew it was bad. He didn't know much about ships, but that awful sound and the incoming water could only mean one thing.

Now the water was knee deep, rising at the same rate as Aaron's panic levels.

He reared back, shoving with his whole weight, and then again. The pressure of the water building steadily inside the room helped, because on the third shove he felt something weaken. His chest heaved with the exertion, but he took a couple of steps back through the water. It was so cold his feet were virtually numb, the ice seeping through his veins. On his next shove, the door cracked in the middle. Aaron almost cried with relief, and then backed up once more. With one last shove with his shoulder the wood gave way, a flood of water pouring into the room until it was level with Aaron's waist. A yell burst from his lips as the water stung his skin, chilling him to his core.

He didn't wait, wading out of the room and heading for the stairs. He pulled himself along the crewman's passage, pushing debris out of the way, suitcases and clothes and abandoned possessions that had flooded out of the crew's cabins.

"Hello?’ he called, peering into empty rooms as he headed in the direction of the nearest staircase. "Anyone down here?"

There was no reply. All the crew, in this section of the ship at least, had already gone. The water seeped up Aaron's clothes, his thin shirt and trousers offering no protection against the cold. It receded as Aaron climbed the stairs; when he was halfway up, it was at his ankles. He didn't stop, taking the stairs two at a time.

The small glimmer of hope he felt was extinguished faster than he could blink when he got to the top to find black metal gates closed across the entrance to the stairs. The metal was icy under his hands as he gripped them, pulling.

They were locked.

The panic was back full force, coursing through his entire being. He shook the gates fiercely, throwing himself against them like he had with the door. He could get through wood, but not metal. He had no chance with metal.

He glanced down behind him and then wished he hadn't. The water was rising steadily, flooding step after step up towards him. A broken whimper bubbled up his chest, and he rattled at the gates with more force, trying to make a much noise as possible.

"Help!" he yelled. "Please! Anyone!" The water touched his feet and he flinched, not daring to look down again. "Hello!?" he cried. "Is anyone there? Hello!" He shook the gates again, rattling the lock.

All he could hear in reply was rushing water. Aaron rested his forehead against the gates, squeezing his eyes closed. The crewman's passage was a dead-end hallway. This was the only way out, he knew that for sure. Whatever the hell had happened to cause that screeching sound and then the water...it was worse the he'd originally thought. By now everyone evacuated and gone without a second thought.

Or maybe they had thought of him. Maybe one of the crew had remembered him but just hadn't bothered to come back. Did he blame them? They all had their own lives to save, why would anyone bother coming back for him? And Robert, who was somewhere up in first class, probably in the midst of complete chaos. He hadn't come after him earlier, why would he now?

He smacked a hand against the gates, cursing himself for ever getting involved with men out of his league. Look where it had gotten him. He had a whole new life ahead of him, and his fate was here, drowning alone at the bottom of a ship.

The water was at his ankles now, trickling into the empty corridor in front of him.

"Please," he cried. "Is anyone there?" A burning hot tear escaped onto his freezing cheek. He threw his body weight at the gates one final time, and then gave up ,slumping against them.

But then he heard it. A voice.

It was getting closer. Aaron bolted upright, trying to peer around the left of the gates to where the voice was coming from.

"Hello?" he yelled. Hope, warm and burning bright, erupted in his chest when the voice got closer again. It got closer still, and more tears, born of pure relief, escaped down his cheeks when he could make out the words.

"Aaron!" it bellowed. "Aaron, where are you?!"

"Robert," he tried to shout, voice breaking. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and tried again, louder. "Robert!"

"Aaron?"

"Rob! Robert, I'm down here!"

"Aaron!" Then the voice was next to him, Robert running down the corridor, splashing water everywhere. He virtually crashed into the gates, flattening himself against them and reaching through to grab Aaron's arm. "Oh, thank god."

"What's happening?" Aaron asked urgently, feeding a hand through the gates to grab at Robert's lapel. "What's going on?"

"It's sinking," Robert gasped, breath heaving in his chest. "We hit something, and the whole thing is going down. Everyone's going to top deck, I heard some people talking about lifeboats." His eyes widened at the water that had completely filled the corridor behind Aaron. "We've got to go."

Aaron shook his head frantically. "This things locked. It's the only way out. I’ve tried to get it open but it's not working."

"Nonsense," Robert said bluntly. "We’ll get it open."

"How?! Robert, they're metal gates!"

"There has to be something…" Robert looked left and right. "There's got to be something I can break it with."

" _What_ , though?"

"I don't know!" Robert snapped, voice tight. His eyes flicked behind Aaron. All the blood suddenly drained from his face. "Jesus," he muttered, and Aaron didn't dare to look behind him. The water was at their calves now. "Aaron, don't look behind you, ok? Just don’t look.”

"What is it?"

"I think-" Robert swallowed audibly. "He looks like he was one of the crew."

"Oh god," Aaron's chest constricted. "Rob, you've got to go."

Robert's eyes snapped to his. "What? Don't be ridiculous."

"Please," Aaron's fist tightened in his damp jacket. "Robert, please. You can’t get me out, just go."

"Shut up," Robert growled, hand gripping Aaron's arm, vice-tight. "If you think I'm leaving you here...no. No."

"There's no time," Aaron took a shaky breath, nodding to himself. "Your family are probably wondering where you are- they need you-"

"And I need you." Robert's eyes were hard, though his teeth were beginning to chatter. "I'm getting you out, do you understand me?" He pulled away without waiting for a reply, looking this way and that. "I'm going to go that way," he told him. "Look straight ahead, ok? Do not look behind you."

Aaron nodded jerkily. As soon as Robert was out of sight fear crept up his spine, chilling the back of his neck a way that had nothing to do with the water. He stared ahead, counting the panels of wood on the wall opposite and trying not to listen to the gushing water.

A few seconds later there was the splash of water and Robert came back into view, carrying a fire extinguisher.

"Ok, move out the way," he instructed, taking a step back himself. His eyes peered over Aaron's shoulder. "To your left. Eyes on me."

Aaron nodded, taking two side steps to his left so he was pressed into the wall. Robert nodded, and then lifted the fire extinguisher, swinging it down onto the lock. It made contact with a clang, and Aaron heard the lock crack.

Robert leaned forward, taking a quick look and then stepping back again. He swung harder, hitting the lock again with a grunt. There was a louder snap, and then Robert made a triumphant sound. He pulled away some debris with his hands, and then yanked the gates open.

Aaron dove forward into Robert's arms, wrapping his arms around his waist. He could feel Robert's heart hammering in his ribcage, and felt him press his nose underneath Aaron's ear, inhaling the cold sweat there.

"Thank you," Aaron babbled. "Thank you. Rob, I-"

"Later," Robert cut him off, pulling away and grabbing Aaron's hand. "We've got to go."

 

The top deck was chaos. There was barely room to move; people crammed into every available piece of decking. People were shouting, their screams echoing into the night air. There was a deafening noise coming from the funnels overhead, hot steam billowing upwards.

Robert pulled Aaron along, peering over the tops of heads for the lifeboats. Officers were controlling them, calling for women and children only, blowing their whistles for attention.

"We’ll try the other side!" he called to Aaron over the noise. Aaron nodded in reply. Robert grabbed two spare life preservers from a nearby steward and handed one to Aaron. They fought their way through the throng of people, to the other side of the ship.

It was just as panicked. Out to sea there were already three lifeboats, rowing steadily away from them. Abruptly, the noise from the funnels stopped altogether. The screams became clearer, piercing Aaron's eardrums. Women were crying, hugging their husbands as they were herded into the lifeboats. Children clung around their legs, wide, frightened eyes peering up at their parents.

"There’s not enough," Robert said suddenly, biting at his lip. "There's not enough lifeboats for everyone."

Aaron's mouth fell open. "What?"

Robert nodded grimly. "This morning, at tea with Mr, Andrews. He told us there's about two thousand people on board, but only twenty lifeboats. I did the maths, that's enough for about half."

"But..." Aaron floundered. "That means that half of us…"

"Yes."

Aaron looked around at the families huddled together, fighting to stay together as people pushed around them. "Oh my god. What do we do?"

Overhead, a flare exploded in the sky, red light reflecting in Robert's eyes.

Robert inhaled, and then nodded to himself. "Come on."

He pulled Aaron back through the inside of the ship. Just as they were coming to the doors, Robert pushed Aaron left, down into a little alcove. He dropped his life preserver on the floor and then shed his jacket and began unbuttoning his shirt.

"Take your shirt off," he told Aaron.

"Rob, what-?"

Robert stopped. He moved close to Aaron, cupping both of his hands around his neck. "Aaron," he murmured. "Do you trust me?"

Aaron nodded. "Course."

"Can you promise me you won't question what we're about to do?"

Aaron swallowed. "I'm not going to like it, am I?"

"No," Robert shook his head. "Because you're brave, and selfless, and I'm not. I promise you we’ll have time for moral arguments later, but the only thing I care about now is getting the both of us off here alive. I am _not_ losing you now."

"Right," Aaron nodded. "Ok, I trust you."

"Take your shirt off." Aaron stripped to the waist, discarding his shirt.

Robert pulled off his own white dress shirt and held it out to Aaron. "Put this on."

Aaron did as he was asked, buttoning Robert’s shirt up to his neck. Robert pulled his dinner jacket on over his undershirt, buttoning it up and then reaching for his life preservers, slipping it over his head. He reached for his shirt, tucking it in Aaron's waistband, and then combed his fingers through Aaron's hair, flattening it and smoothing it over to one side. Finally, he picked up Aaron's life jacket and put it on, tying the cords at the side for him and then doing the same for himself.

"Ok, that'll have to do," he muttered. He darted in to press his lips to Aaron's.

"Robert," Aaron said around his lips. "In case something happens to one of us, in case this doesn't work, I just...I need you to know that meeting you was the best thing to happen to me. And I...I love you."

Robert pulled him closer, breath trembling against Aaron's mouth. "I love you, too. And I'll tell you again when we're on dry land."

"I'll hold you to that."

"You better," Robert smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. "Come on, we've got to go."

He lead them out onto the port side of the ship, into the crowds. The cries were getting louder now, more frantic. The bow of the ship was almost completely submersed, some people losing their footing and slipping down the wet deck into the water. Aaron gripped Robert's hand tighter.

"There's a boat down there," Robert said into his ear, and they set off, dodging around people running back and forth. There was music coming from somewhere up ahead, violins playing a fairly jaunty tune. It didn't work in keeping the panic at bay; the night pitched strings only sounded like more screams. They set Aarons teeth on edge.

Robert didn't hesitate in pushing them both through the people crowding around the officer controlling the boat. He got them to the front, nodding his head in a quick greeting.

"Mr Sugden," the officer looked harried, arms spread trying prevent a rush. "Into the boat, please, sir. Quickly, now. All the women and children have been taken care of."

Aaron turned and looked behind him, seeing a few of the third-class families holding onto each other, gripping the railings to stop themselves slipping down, and swallowed.

"Thank you," Robert said, and lead Aaron forward before dropping their hands. "And a business acquaintance of mine," he gestured to him.

The officer barely glanced at Aaron before nodding. "Of course, sir."

"Thank you." Robert stepped into the boat, turning back and holding a hand out for Aaron.

Aaron took it, stepping unsteadily into the boat and sitting down next to Robert. He looked back at the deck, throat constricting at the sheer amount of people there were. There were still children, clinging to their parents, not wearing life jackets.

Their boat rocked a little on its supports as more people climbed aboard. They were a mix of men and women, getting in and shifting up to make room for others.

"Don't hate me for this," Robert croaked. "This is the only way I know how."

Aaron's mouth twisted, eyes filling with tears as they watched people running up the stern of the ship as it began to lift out of the water. "All those people…" he choked.

"I know," Robert squeezed his hand. "I know."

"Ready, lads?" the officer called. "And away...steady now."

The boat jerked as it was released from the holds, and then they were being lowered down. There wasn't far to go, after only a few feet there was a splash as they hit the water. The crewman in charge cut them away, and ordered the men in the middle of the boat to position the oars and start rowing.

Gradually they got the hang of it. The men were clumsy and disjointed, but they made progress, heading away from the carnage. The air got colder the further away they got, the screams fainter.

Aaron couldn't look. He turned away, looking out into the darkness.

 

**********

 

Robert couldn't move. He was frozen, staring at the scene in front of him.

One by one, people fell off the ship into the water, arms flailing, clinging to one another. Gunshots rang out into the air, followed by more screams, and then there was the whoosh of another flare, bursting into red light above them.

He didn't know if he'd ever forgive himself for what he'd done. Leaving so many people behind, taking up two spaces in a boat that could have saved other people was so selfish of him, so like his father. But the alternative was letting Aaron go, leaving him to die, and that just wasn't a thought he was even beginning to entertain. The body of that crewman, floating face down behind Aaron behind the bars, dark hair waving in the water like seaweed, would haunt him forever. He was only glad that he'd kept Aaron from it.

He didn't want to see the horror on front of him but he couldn't look away, watching as the stern rose ominously higher and higher out of the water. The creaking sound of metal reached his ears. It sounded like it was coming from the rapidly disappearing hull of the ship.

"Steady," the crewman called. "Row in time with each other. Easy, now..."

From next to him, Aaron suddenly took a sharp breath. Robert tore his eyes from the ship to look at him.

Aaron's eyes were glued on a bobbing white life jacket, floating starkly against the blackness of the ocean a little way from them. "Oh, god," he moaned, getting unsteadily to his feet in the boat. "Please, no. Adam. Adam!"

"Sit down please, sir," the crewman called, but Aaron ignored him.

"Adam!"

"Aaron, what-"

Aaron leaned over the side of the boat. Before Robert could even react, he'd bent his knees and jumped into the ocean, starting a furious swim towards the figure.

"Aaron, no!" Robert's heart leapt into his throat. "Aaron, get back here!" He turned to the crewman. "For God's sake, follow him!"

Clumsily, the boat turned, making its way slowly across the few metres to where Aaron was holding onto the body in the water. He was sobbing, tears streaming down his cheeks as he shook the figure back and forth.

"Adam, please. Wake up! Adam!"

From where he was, Robert could see that his efforts were futile. There was a gash on the top of Adam's head, dark red blood running down the side of his face. His eyes were still open, staring blankly, and his parted lips were a pale shade of blue.

"Oh, god," he averted his eyes from Adam's face, bile rising in the back of his throat.

The boat came to an unsteady halt near them, and Robert reached out to grab the back of Aaron's life preserver and drag him back towards the boat.

"No!" Aaron shouted as Robert pulled him back, breaths high and panicked as Robert and a few of the other men hauled him into the boat. He collapsed onto the bottom, shaking like a leaf, arms wrapped around himself.

"I'm sorry," Robert told him, gathering him in close and rubbing at his arms. He was stone cold, soaking Robert's shirt through immediately. "I'm so sorry."

"He-" Aaron's teeth chattered. Robert tried to pull him closer, tried to hide him in his arms, all too aware of the eyes watching them. "He can't go, not him."

"I'm so sorry," Robert said again, pressing a kiss into Aaron's wet hair. From overhead, and thick coat was passed to him, and he took it gratefully, wrapping it around Aaron's shoulders.

"It's not fair," Aaron cried, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. "He's got a baby coming, he's-he’s gonna be a dad."

Robert squeezed his eyes shut, resting his head on top of Aaron's as a single tear escaped down his cheek.

From behind them there was huge cracking sound, so loud it sounded like a clap of thunder. Robert looked back in time to see the hull of the ship splitting down the middle, the stern crashing back into the water as the bow disappeared completely.

"Row, men!" the crewman called ugently. "We’ll be capsized with the waves!"

The lifeboat began to move, gaining rhythm as it cut through the water. Robert watched, rubbing Aaron's back and hushing his broken cries, as the stern rose vertically, and then began to go down. He turned his head away, burying his face in Aaron's shoulder so he couldn't look.

After what seemed like forever, the terrified screams subsided, and everything went quiet. He chanced a look and saw nothing but the darkness of the sea and sky, melded into one. White life jackets dotted the surface like tiny little lights, some moving, others not.

Aaron shivered violently in his arms, and Robert began rubbing his hands against him again, trying to generate enough friction to produce some heat. Robert peered down at his tear-stained face. His teeth were chattering together, breaths barely puffing out of between his lips. To Robert's horror, they were beginning to go white.

"Aaron," he muttered, tilting his chin up to meet his glazed over eyes. "Aaron, come on."

Aaron didn't reply. Tiny icicles had formed on the ends of the curls in his hair. Robert sat back, removing the coat to untie Aaron's sodden life jacket and then wrapping him up tighter. He was a dead weight in Robert's arms, barely supporting himself.

"Come on," Robert urged. His heart began a furious pound against his ribcage. "Aaron, look at me. We're going to be ok, yeah? Help will be coming soon, so you've got to stay awake, ok? Hold on for me."

"Robert…"

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," Robert pressed another kiss to his hair, wincing at the cold. His clothes were soaked through from Aaron's own, chilling him to his core. "Not too much longer, yeah? Help’s coming."

"I'm so cold," his face scrunched up like he was in pain.

"No," Robert told him desperately. "No, you're not. You're warm, so warm. You're in a huge, cosy bed. In the best hotel in New York I can find you. And the sheets are so soft and thick. And-and it's sunny outside too, and, I've run you a hot bath you can get into now, and you can stay there all day...can't you feel it?"

Aaron nodded shakily. "Yeah, m’trying."

"Yeah," Robert wet his chapped lips with his tongue. He glanced up into the still, empty night. "And I can see a ship in the distance, too!" he whispered, hushed in Aaron's ear. "It's coming for us, and they’ll have blankets, and hot tea, and warm food. All you've got to do is hang on for a little while, ok? Just until they get here."

"Ok," he stuttered, so faintly Robert almost missed it. The next breath he took rasped through his throat. "I love y-you."

"Don't you dare," a broken sob escaped his lips. "Don't you dare tell me that. Not now. Aaron, come on! _Please!"_

Aaron gave no sign that he'd heard him. He gave a final shudder that wracked through his entire body, and then exhaled, falling limp in Robert's arms.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, finally. Sorry it's a little late, I hope you like it!

Robert gazed up at the sky. The horizon was just beginning to lighten around the edges, announcing the imminent arrival of dawn. The ship was still dim, though, illuminated only by the lights dotted around the deck. It was still cold, the air freezing, chilling Roberts still damp clothes.

The _Carpathia_ was a beautiful ship. Majestic, even. Although perhaps Robert was biased, as the sight of her looming out of the darkness, heading straight for the lifeboat, was a sight he was not likely to forget. Hours spent just sitting on the flat of the ocean, full of uncertainty, had been immediately healed by her arrival. Her crew were helpful and welcoming; they had food and drink and so many blankets prepared, and they were even asking their own passengers to spare dry clothes for them.

The atmosphere around Robert was quiet. Somewhere off to his right, he could hear a woman sobbing quietly, but other than that no one spoke. Time seemed to have stopped, suspending them all in a bubble. Robert's hands had yet to stop trembling. He clenched them together behind his back, gritting his teeth against the burning in his eyes.

The crew had tried to feed him, draping a blanket around his shoulders and trying to push a glass of brandy into his hand, but he'd shrugged them all off. The chill in his bones was keeping him alive, reminding him to keep breathing. If he changed clothes or allowed himself to warmed up, then he'd have to start thinking again, and he didn't want that. He was afraid that if he began to think then he'd start screaming and never stop.

Hours, they'd been out there. Stranded, lifeboats tied together as they all waited. They hadn't even known what they were waiting for. Either they'd be rescued, or they'd die, one by one, all inside the boat together. Robert had spent the hours cradling Aaron's body, trying in vain to get him to wake up. He wrapped him up as close as he could to himself, spoke to him constantly though he didn't know if Aaron could hear him.

Aaron had woken once, eyelids flickering gently before cracking open and looking straight at him. The cautious hope Robert had felt had quickly been extinguished when they closed and refused to open again, no matter what Robert did. The warmth of the people all huddled together in the boat kept him from the worst of the cold, but Aaron had just refused to warm up.

The crewmen had lit green flares, waving them in the air, bright and emitting clouds of acrid greenish smoke. When they began waving towards the front of the boat, Robert looked forward. They were waving at tiny lights in the distance, which steadily grew closer until they emerged as a ship sailing directly for them. As she got closer, Robert saw _Carpathia_ emblazoned on her side. He had felt no relief, though. Not while Aaron was still unresponsive.

He'd had to let go to board the ship. His arms were stiff, back protesting as he climbed off the bottom of the boat, unwrapping his arms from Aaron's body. Once aboard he'd leaned over the edge, watching them lift Aaron up, his head lolling uselessly. Robert shook his head to dislodge the memories. A female steward passed him with a tray of teacups, pausing by him just long enough for him to decline one. He didn't want anything now. All he wanted was Aaron.

The rain began to come down, pattering gently onto the deck and darkening the wood. Robert turned his face up to the sky, closing his eyes and feeling the droplets hit his skin like tiny little needles. He felt his hair grow damp with it, inhaled the smell of rain on wood, and let himself take a deep breath. Waiting, was all that was left for him now.

"Excuse me, sir," a crewman stopped at his right side, cap pulled low to protect against the drizzle. "Can I please take your name?"

Robert cleared his threat and nodded. "Of course," he said. "It's Robert-"

The words caught in his throat, and he rolled his lips into his mouth. Unbidden, wetness gathered at the corners of his eyes.

"Your surname please, sir?" The crewman encouraged gently.

Robert wet his lips with his tongue. "Dingle."

"Thank you, Mr Dingle."

The crewman moved behind him, and Robert looked heavenwards again, exhaling slowly. He blinked away the gathering tears and forced himself to be calm. There had been enough panic tonight, enough sorrow. He wouldn't add to it. 

"Your name please, sir?" the crewman said behind him.

There was a weak cough, and then a voice croaked, "Aaron. Aaron...Sugden."

Robert whipped around, almost slipping in his haste as the crewman moved over to a group of women huddled nearby. He hurried over to the little shelter a few feet away and kneeled down at the side of the makeshift bed, peering down at him.

"Aaron," he murmured. "You're awake, thank God."

Aaron nodded weakly, another cough wracking his entire body. "Just woken up. Hi."

"Hello," Robert smiled through the tears blurring his eyes. ‘I'm so glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"I can feel my toes again now, so not too bad I suppose," Aaron grimaced. Robert fussed over him, tucking the mound of blankets tighter around his body. He pulled the blankets up to Aaron's chin and then stroked a hand through his hair. "You ok?" Aaron asked.

"Better now."

Aaron smiled a little. He did look better, alive instead of a virtual corpse. His eyes were a little brighter, cheeks pinker. There was a teacup next to the bed, steam swirling into the air. "Don't kneel down there, come on, sit up here."

Robert got to his feet, waiting to Aaron to shift a couple of inches back so he could perch on the edge by his knees. It felt good to be sheltered a little from the weather, hidden from the eyes of the people on the upper decks, and it was such sweet relief to see Aaron's eyes open again, eyes bluer than Robert remembered. The crushing weight he'd been carrying ever since they had been rescued had disappeared in seconds.

"Don't ever, ever, do that to me again," he told him. "You have no idea how scared I was. I thought that…" Robert shook his head. "Just promise me."

"I promise," Aaron said immediately. He licked his chapped lips, clearing his throat. "Rob, listen...I'm so sorry. For going in like that. I just saw Adam, and I thought that I could help, you know? I thought that if I could just get him back to the boat he'd be ok, I tried-"

"It's ok," Robert soothed, running his thumb over Aaron's temple. "It's ok. I know you were just trying to help him. I'm so sorry, you two seemed close."

"We weren't, actually. Not really. We only met in the bar in Southampton when we boarded. But he was great, and so excited about Vic and the baby." Aaron paused to cough into his blankets. "Was it...was it bad? You can tell me."

Robert nodded, swallowing thickly. "Yeah," he said hoarsely. "In a way, I think I'm glad you didn't see it. I asked someone earlier; they think there's around seven hundred of us that survived."

"Seven…?" Aaron closed his eyes momentarily. "Bloody hell." He took Robert's hand from his hair, holding it in his own. "All those people, just gone. And they were all just like me, weren't they, all just trying to find better lives."

"I know," Robert answered.

"I think I want to find Victoria. Adam’s girl. When we get to New York, can we try and find her?"

Robert nodded. "Of course. We'll try."

"I'd like to tell her how much Adam loved her. How much he was looking forward to coming out here to be with her."

"We can do that. We’ll register his name in the morning, ok?"

"Thank you," Aaron shifted his head up, stretching his neck to look around the deck. "Is this everybody here?"

"No. First-class have got their own section upstairs." Robert couldn't help but roll his eyes. 

"Have you been up there? Your family...your father?"

Robert shrugged, looking away out at the people dotted around the deck. "I haven't looked for him, or Chrissie. I'm not going to, either."

"Don't you want to know if..."

"If they survived? Yes, I'll look their names up, but I'm happy to let them go now. I think….if I never see either of them again I'll be content. I don't want them to find me either."

"And they won't, Mr _Dingle_."

Robert looked back at him, cheeks heating a little. "You don't mind?"

"Not at all," Aaron's eyes glinted a little as he smiled.

"Thank you...Mr _Sugden_." Robert found Aaron's hand under his layers of blankets, threading their fingers together. He could feel Aaron's eyes lingering on the side of his head.

"You look tired."

Robert mustered half a smile. "I am. I feel like I could sleep for days."

The exhaustion was like a deep ache in his bones, gritty behind his eyes. He'd felt it plough into him the minute he'd heard Aaron voice and knew he'd woken up. Even the sunlounger they'd made into a bed for Aaron looked like the comfiest place in the world, and given a chance Robert would happily lay down next to him and just sleep.

"You should rest. Before we get to New York."

"I don't think I've got time," Robert nodded his head at the horizon. "Look."

Aaron lifted his head off his pillow to squint into the distance. The Statue of Liberty rose out of the sea, framed by the soft orange glow of daylight. The light warmed Aaron's skin, making him look healthy again despite the shadows under his eyes.

"And you haven't changed your mind?" he said, side-eyeing Robert. "You still want to do this...with me?"

Robert squeezed his hand, waiting until Aaron met his eyes. "I want nothing more. I love you, remember?"

Aaron's smile stretched across his face. "You're not supposed to say that yet; you told me you'd say it when we were on dry land again."

"I'll tell you again there," Robert said a little indignantly, grinning at Aaron's chuckle. "And I'll tell you when we're in that hugely expensive hotel room that I can't afford anymore, and in that bathtub I told you about, and in the house we're going to get, and every morning, and every evening, and-"

"Ok, ok," Aaron was cut off mid-laugh by a hacking cough. Robert moved a hand around to his back, rubbing in soothing circles. He didn't worry about anyone seeing them, everyone was too wrapped up themselves to notice the two of them hidden at the back of the deck. "You made your point. I love you, too."

"Good," Robert smiled, moving his hand from Aaron's back to rest it gently on his hip. "We’re going to be ok, aren't we?"

"Yeah," Aaron whispered back. The sun was getting stronger now, shining in his eyes. "Yeah, we are."

Robert nodded, squeezing Aaron's hand tighter. "Do you want to sleep some more? I'll wake you up when we dock."

"And miss that view?" Aaron inclined his head towards the horizon. "Nah, you're alright. Help me sit up?"

Robert stood, holding his hands out for Aaron to grip onto as he lifted himself into a sitting position. When Aaron was settled Robert was quick to rearrange the blankets, tucking them around his shoulders. He picked up the tea still on the floor for him and then sat again, pressing their thighs together.

"Thank you," Aaron cradled the cup in his hands. He let out a sigh, leaning into Robert. "Look at that," he said, wonder in his voice. "Amazing isn't it."

Robert pressed a quick kiss to his temple. "It is."

They sat together, side by side in their little makeshift shelter, and watched beaming sunlight burst into a brand new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much if you've read all the way until the end! I am so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to leave a comment or press the kudos button, every single one means the world.  
> I hope you enjoyed this, I loved writing it :)


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